


Lifelines

by Denstort



Category: Muse
Genre: Friendship into Relationship?, Gen, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-06
Updated: 2015-02-27
Packaged: 2018-02-20 03:37:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 20
Words: 26,070
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2413526
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Denstort/pseuds/Denstort
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After the events of Washed Away, the band are trying to carry on as normal...but will they ever be?</p><p>Part 2 of "I Belong To You?" Series</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Part 2 of "I Belong To You?" Series.

“I swear, if you don’t stop hovering,” Matt snarled.

The unfortunate target of Matt’s current mood stepped back.

“Get out, just get out,” Matt growled.

Dom sighed, thanking the lucky stars that the mixing engineers knew that Matt’s words were not said in malice.

It had been four months since they’d been given that news; that there was some permanent damage…that his behaviour would change, and his moods could become more unpredictable; not that his moods ever were predictable.

Matt had insisted on starting work on the next album, even though he and Chris had tried to persuade him to take more time. The fans would understand and the record company could go to hell.

But then the specialist had said it would be a good idea, give him a routine…a distraction. 

Over those four months they’d learnt to recognise the signs that Matt was about to over-react, and they had learnt to distract Matt or deflect attention from it.

“Why don’t we call it a day?” he said through the talk-back.

The engineer gave him a thank you nod and left. Dom went into the recording area, readying himself for Matt’s decidedly unfriendly mood.

“So, taking it out on the engineers now, are we?”

Matt turned and he could see what sort of mood Matt was in.

“You can get lost too,” Matt growled.

“Don’t think so,” he replied.

He leant forward and looked Matt in the eyes; he looked tired.

“Time to stop, you need some sleep.”

He could see Matt was about to give some kind of sharp retort.

“No arguments, you know what the specialist said. You get tired, it gets worse.”

“I’m not finished yet,” Matt replied.

“Yes, you are. Its six o’clock and we have that interview at the BBC tomorrow. So we are leaving.”

He saw the flash of annoyance in Matt’s eyes; the colour turning from cerulean to a storm tossed ocean.

“Don’t try that on me….home, now.”

Dom was relieved when Matt didn’t argue, and they drove back to Matt’s house in a companionable silence.

*****************************

“Anna, I’m back,” Matt called as he entered.

“Coming,” a voice answered.

Matt smiled broadly when an older lady appeared...Anna, an angel in the guise of a mother of two and a grandmother of four.

The specialist had advised that Matt shouldn’t be alone, and the band….well Chris and Dom, had decided he should have a live-in housekeeper.

Matt had baulked at the idea, and had rejected everyone that had they had interviewed. Then Anna had come along and in a no nonsense tone of voice had told him to stop pouting like her seven year old grandson.

He taken a shine to her, and she’d been hired on the spot; she didn’t let him get away with anything.

Her exact words during one particular episode were, “Just because he’s a rock star, doesn’t mean he can act like one…not with me.”

“About time, you should have been home an hour ago. Hello Dominic.”

“Sorry about that,” Dom said.

“Never mind. I’ve just put Matt’s supper in to warm. I’ll leave you to eat in peace, you know where I am, if you need me.”

Dom turned to pick up his coat.

“Dom, can you stay?”

Dom put his jacket down.

“Anna’s here, you’ll be okay.”

“I k-know, it’s j-just…please s-stay.”

**********************

They sat in the lounge after supper, with only the fire as a source of light.

Dom could see that Matt wasn’t relaxed; he was probably nervous about tomorrow.

They’d chosen the One Show because it was light-hearted, and wouldn’t over stress Matt.

“Matt?” he said.

Matt blinked and looked at him.

“Hmm?”

“If you don’t want to do this interview, me and Chris can do it.”

“No, I want t-to do it. People n-need to see that I’m s-still here.”

Matt tapped his temple with one finger.

“See t-that I’m still h-here.”

Matt ran his hands over his face and let out a long breath.

“I hate this, Dom. I f-feel like I trapped, and I c-cant….C- Christ.”

Dom wanted to wrap his arms around his friend, but he wasn’t sure how Matt would take that.

“You’ll be okay, let me and Chris do most of the talking.”

Matt let out a snort and said, “As if.”

“Seriously Matt, you don’t want them to push you.”

Dom knew instantly that he’d said the wrong thing.

“Don’t baby me!” Matt snapped.

Dom knew he had to try and clam this down.

“You don’t have to do this on your own. We’re all in this together.”

Matt’s expression darkened and Dom knew he hadn’t succeeded.

“In this together…in this together. Are you the one whose brain is screwed? Are you the one who daren’t open his mouth in case he fuck’s it up!?”

Matt was becoming more agitated.

“I-if I’m that b-bad, why don’t y-you find another s-singer!”

Dom suddenly felt his own flash of anger.

“Do you think we’d really replace you? If you’d died, it would have destroyed us!”

“You mean your bank balance…well, screw you, all of you!” Matt yelled and ran out.

Dom didn’t move, he sat and listened to the sound of Matt running up the stairs.

“Way to go Howard,” he said to himself.

He climbed the stairs himself, knowing that it would be no good talking to Matt now. He could hope that the morning would be better.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Has Dom made a mistake..............

Morning came too quickly for Matt, as he blinked awake. He lay still for a few minutes, trying to gather his thoughts.

Today was a big day; their first interview since he’d regained his memory, and his accident. He shivered when got up, winter was definitely on its way; he liked winter.

He showered, letting the steam work on his vocal chords and soothe the muscles. He dressed quickly, and despite the cold padded downstairs barefooted, knowing the kitchen had underfloor heating.

It must have been early, because there was no sign of Anna. He looked at the kitchen clock; it was only 5am…way too early. He stood at the coffee maker, wondering whether he should make some…should he get breakfast…..

He let out a sigh, sometimes these simple decisions seemed like mountainous one, and he wished there was someone to help him, to share his frustration with.

Suddenly a voice said, “If you’re making, I’ll have one.”

He turned and found Dom standing in the doorway.

“So, big day,” Dom said, as he sat down.

“I guess,” he replied.

“Matt, and don’t take this the wrong way, but are you sure you’re okay to do this?”

He said nothing for a moment, then said, “I want to do it…all of what we said we’re going to do, and I shouldn’t have had a go. I’m sorry.”

“S’alright,” Dom said. “You were tired and I shouldn’t have pushed it. Do you want to do something? We don’t have to be at the Beeb till six”

He wasn’t sure what to say, although it would be good to get out.

“There is that Assyrian Exhibition at the British Museum.”

“Okay,” Dom replied. “Could do with a bit of culture.”

“And Anna can have the day off.”

“Cool. I don’t know about you, but I’m hungry. You want some breakfast?”

“Depends, are you offering to cook?” he replied, raising an eyebrow.

Dom smiled, “Scrambled eggs okay?”

“With extra crispy bacon?”

“Cheeky sod,” Dom said as he went to the fridge.

Matt smiled and watched as Dom made breakfast. He suddenly thought how domestic this felt. Domestic…it sounded nice; like they were a couple….whoa where had that come from?

Breakfast was soon over and Anna was pleased to have the day off.

“I’ll be watching tonight,” she said.

Matt went upstairs and looked in his wardrobe; what to wear? Yes, he’d wear this combination, Dom would approve.

He blinked, what was it with his sudden fixation with Dom? He shrugged his shoulders, Dom was his mate and was always going on about his fashion sense.

*****************

Dom had heard Matt get up and had debated whether he should too. Finally he did and he heard Matt in the kitchen. He didn’t announce his presence straight away, he stood and watched as Matt stood at the coffee machine.

Should he leave him alone, especially after last night?

Then Matt had let out a long sigh; he sounded so lonely, and that made his mind up.

“If you’re making, I’ll have one.”

Those three words seemed to turn into Matt apologising for last night, and then had him cooking one of Matt’s favourite breakfasts.

Now they were about to walk into a very public place, and he was nervous.

As they climbed the steps to the museum, he noticed they were already getting glances and outright stares. He supposed he shouldn’t be surprised; their faces had been on more front pages and TV screens in the last year, than in the twenty before.

As they wandered round the exhibits, Dom was once again astounded by the knowledge that Matt had in that hyperactive mind of his.  
But his found his thoughts straying onto how beautiful Matt was when he was talking about something he was passionate about. He hadn’t really thought much about his interest in men; probably because he hadn’t found someone who could light that flame, although he could appreciate a well-fitted pair of jeans or trousers on a bloke.

And he had to admit, the outfit Matt was wearing fitted into that category.

Yes, those black jeans fitted Matt rather nicely, and coupled with the black jacket, it made him look…..hot.

“Dom?”

His name snapped him out of his fixation on Matt’s attire.

Matt was looking at him, eyes narrowed.

“Did you hear what I said?”

“Sorry….what did you say?” he replied, hoping he wasn’t blushing.

“I said, let’s get some lunch. Are you okay?”

“Yeah…lunch. How about Frankie’s, they’ll be pleased to see you, and no paps.”

“Nice, really fancy some pasta,” Matt said.

Dom had to check himself as they sat in the restaurant. He was watching Matt again as he studied the menu. This was becoming unhealthy; he knew Matt would never feel the same way.

So he tried to flirt with the waitress, but Matt’s unsolicited laughter at his attempts were far too distracting. He nearly choked on his pizza when that expression of sheer ecstasy crossed Matt’s face, as he placed a forkful of Frankie’s pasta and tomato in his mouth.

Matt looked at him, that looked replaced by one of concern.

“Dom…you sure you’re okay?”

“Yeah…..pizza…wrong way,” he gasped out.

Then Matt did that hand on back thing, which didn’t help. Matt’s hand in contact with his skin, albeit through a layer of clothes, made Dom shiver.

He felt Matt’s had stop; had he felt the same thing?

He thought Matt would pull his hand away, but he didn’t. He looked at Matt and he couldn’t quite fathom the look on his face. Then Matt took his hand away and they finished their meal in silence.

But Dom could sense something had changed, but in what direction?

Fifteen minutes later they stepped out of the restaurant and straight into a crowd of paparazzi.

Dom saw Matt physically flinch and he managed to pull him back inside; the staff locking the door and tell them to go away.

They ended up getting a taxi to come to the back of Frankie’s and they went to Dom’s place, as it was nearer. Dom called Chris and Tom and told them what had happened, and to pick them up at his place.

This is great, Dom thought. Matt had seemed so relaxed, happy even, and there might have been something else.

But now Matt had withdrawn again.

“Matt, are you okay?” he asked softly.

Matt looked at him, and he saw that frightened look he’d seen at the airport. It wasn’t fair, Matt had always been the fearless one, pushing them as a band; right or wrong.

He couldn’t see that man siting on the sofa….dear god, he was actually shaking. To hell with what Matt’s reaction would be, he sat next to him and put his arm round his shoulder. Matt didn’t move away, in fact he seemed to lean into him. This was new and unexpected…and welcome, well from his side anyway.

“Dom,” Matt said, in a way too quiet voice.

“Yeah.”

“Today was nice…this is nice.”

Dom blinked…sure he’d hugged Matt before, but not once had Matt said anything; it still might not mean anything.

The intercom buzzing broke the moment, it was Chris and Tom. They were early, obviously worried about what had happened and about   
tonight…they all were.

Seven o’clock came round really quickly.

“You ready?” Dom asked Matt.

“Yeah,” he replied.

The applause started and they walked out and into their first public appearance in six months.

********************************

Matt took his usual place between Chris and Dom. It gave him a sense of security, Chris’s size was his physical shield and Dom was his emotional shield.

Then the presenter asked him a direct question.

“Matt, how do you cope in everyday life with the problems this particular kind of damage can cause?”

He felt Chris tense and Dom move a little closer to him; this was the first serious question.

He took a moment before answering.

“It’s difficult. Sometimes what I call my handbrake doesn’t work, and it can lead to misunderstandings…well, you all know what happened last month.”

“Not that we blame anyone,” Dom cut in. “Not everyone can be expected to understand Matt’s condition, and that’s part of why we’re here tonight.”

“Yeah,” Chris said. “We’re here to support Headway, they’ve been brilliant with Matt.”

Matt held up his hand and the others fell silent.

“They were a huge lifeline, not just for me, but for all of us. That’s why we’re dedicating our new album to them, and one other special person…Rachel.”

“That’s the person who took you in after you lost your memories.”

“Yes, I know she’s not watching, but I’d still like to thank her.”

“You also have a special announcement to make?”

Matt looked at Dom, who said.

“Yes, we’re going to do a one-off gig at the O2 Arena on the 20th of December. All money from the ticket sales and merchandise sold, will be going to Headway and the Helen Foundation.”

There was a round of applause.

“And when do the tickets go on sale?”

“They go on sale through our official website on Monday at 9am,” Chris said.

Then came the question that Chris and Dom were worried about.

“This will be the first time you’ve performed since Matt’s accident. Matt, how do you think it will affect your performance?”

**********************

Dom had been dreading this question, even though he knew it had to be asked.

He felt Matt tense, and he glanced at his face…and there it was, the tell-tale twitch of his left eye. Then Matt shifted, and he saw Chris tense as Matt started to stammer when he answered.

“I-I can’t say until I s-step in front of t-the mike. But I have to k-know. I love performing l-live…..”

Matt stopped and Dom knew he was starting to struggle; time to wrap this up.

“Like Matt said, we won’t know until we try.”

He could see Tom talking to the director, and the presenter seamlessly wrapped up the interview and the show ended.

“You okay?” Dom asked when they were back in the dressing room.

“D-did I f-fuck up?” Matt asked.

“God no, you did great.”

“Am I m-making a mistake, d-doing this?”

Dom could see he was looking for assurance. He sat next to him and said.

“Matt, you have to try, or you’ll never know. But whatever happens, me, you, Chris and Tom will always be friends.”

Chris came in and said he was going home and would see them on Monday.

The house felt cold when they entered.

“I’ll start a fire,” Matt said, the stammer now gone.

Dom watched as he went into the lounge, then he went into the kitchen and made up two plates of food and found a bottle of red. He went into the lounge, but Matt wasn’t there.

“Matt?” he called.

The French doors were open and he stepped out.

“Matt?”

“Over here,” came the reply.

Matt was by the wood pile; he was looking at his hand.

“Matt…what’s wrong?”

“Splinter,” he replied.

“Come inside, and I’ll get it out.”

They went into the kitchen and Dom took the first-aid kit down from the cupboard.

“Let’s have a look,” he said and took Matt’s outstretched hand.

“Nasty,” Dom said.

He touched the finger it was embedded in, and Matt hissed and pulled his hand away.

“Sorry,” he said and took his hand again.

“It’s not deep, I can get it with the tweezers. Hold still…almost got it.”

“Oww!” Matt exclaimed.

“Big baby,” Dom laughed and without thinking kissed Matt’s hand.

Matt pulled his hand away, and he looked at Dom, eyes wide in surprise.

Dom expected him to laugh and say something insulting, but instead there was a look on his face that was unreadable.

Dom couldn’t help himself and afterwards he realised he’d crossed a line that Matt wasn’t ready to cross. He pulled Matt forward and kissed him.

Then Matt reacted and jerked away, anger flashing in those blue orbs. He pushed past Dom and fled from the kitchen.

Dom expected him to stomp upstairs, so he didn’t follow. He was just cursing his libido when he heard the front door.

No…oh no…..

He moved then and ran into the hallway; the front door was open. He ran into the driveway, but there was no sign of Matt.

The side gate was open and he hurried outside.

“Matt!” he called, but the only answer he got was the neighbour’s dog.

Matt was gone.


	3. Chapter 3

What the hell was Dom thinking, Matt thought as he walked. Obviously he hadn’t been thinking…. not with his brain anyway. What gave him the right to do that? Not that it hadn’t felt good. 

He’d just have liked a little warning, that’s all.

He wasn’t one of Dom’s little groupies, and his feelings about Dom were still very hazy.

He stopped when his phone came to life, a burst of Holst’s ‘Jupiter’ told him it was Dom. Like he was going to answer it.

His phone clicked over to voice-mail and he listened to Dom.

“I know you’re listening, Matt. I’m sorry, just come back and we can talk. You left your jacket and its cold…just come back...please.”

“Not a chance,” Matt mumbled and switched his phone off. Dom had crossed a line; one he wasn’t ready to re-draw yet.

He shivered; it was bloody cold. But he wasn’t going back, and wasn’t going to call Chris, who would make them sort it out.

So he kept on walking.

************************

Dom tried not to panic, Matt wouldn’t go far…would he?

Of course, he would have his phone. He dialled Matt’s number and waited. But it went unanswered.

The voice-mail message kicked in.

“I know you’re listening, Matt. I’m sorry, just come back and we can talk. You left your jacket and its cold…just come back…please.”

He looked round, hoping that Matt hadn’t gone far, and would see sense…but no. He was out there somewhere, no jacket…no cash or card and who knew it what frame of mind.

He had no choice but to call the police.

“I’d like to report a missing person.”

Then he called Chris, who was halfway home, and he knew he was due an ear-bending.

The police had been very understanding. Though Matt was an adult, his underlying medical condition overruled the 48hr rule. But after an hour there was no news. Matt could be anywhere in London.

Eventually Chris turned up, tired and un-happy.

“What the hell happened?”

“We had a misunderstanding,” Dom answered, best not to tell him everything; not yet.

“Well, he was wound up by those pap’s.”

Dom said nothing, he’d really stuffed this up. Had he done something that would damage their friendship? He couldn’t imagine life without Matt as a friend.

Three hours passed and there was still no news.

Tom turned up thirty minutes later.

“It’s crazy out there. Half of Fleet Street are camped outside the gates.”

The house was full of police; not that Matt was likely to come back here.

Amidst the noise, Dom’s mobile rang.

“Hello.”

“Am I speaking to Dominic Howard?”

“Yes, if this is the press, then you can….”

“Oh no, I’m Sister Alison Jameson. I’m calling from St. Thomas’ A&E. Do you know a Matthew James Bellamy?”

“Yes…is he okay?” Dom asked, trying to keep the panic out of his voice.

“He’s fine. He wandered into A&E about thirty minutes ago. He was disorientated and very cold. He was wearing a medi-alert disc, so we were   
alerted to his condition. Your number was the first on the list.”

“We’ll be there as soon as possible.”

“Unfortunately, not at the moment, Mr Howard. Mr Bellamy needs to rest. I’ll give you the ward name and number and you can call and ask about visiting hours.”

Dom wasn’t happy, but he wouldn’t argue.

“Okay, thank you,” he said and noted the name and number of the ward.

He turned to the others, and the officer in charge.

“He’s in hospital…but he’s okay,” he said quickly when he saw the expression on their faces. “We can’t go and see him tonight, but we can ring in the morning.”

The officer in charge cleared his throat.

“We’ll be leaving you then, gentlemen. We will of course want to speak to Mr Bellamy, to complete our paperwork…goodnight then.”

Once the police had gone, Chris and Tom turned to Dom and Chris said.

“Okay, Howard, what really happened?”

*************************

Matt wasn’t quite sure how he’d ended up in A&E. He could only assume that his sensible side had taken over, and saved his arse from hypothermia.

At first anger fuelled adrenalin had kept him warm, and kept him walking. It also gave him time to think.

Why had he reacted that way? It wasn’t a shock that Dom liked men; he’d known that for years. It wasn’t the kiss either…no, that wasn’t it. It was the realisation that it was him that Dom had a thing for.

He hadn’t been able to process that thought, and it had overloaded his ‘handbrake’ and his reaction had been anger and to run.

Eventually the adrenalin wore off and he started to feel the cold, and his thoughts were not getting any clearer.

That, he guessed was when his sensible side had walked him into A&E.

Now he was at least warm…..but he still felt disorientated. He needed familiar surroundings…familiar people. This ward wasn’t it and everyone around him were strangers.

He drew his knees up to his chin and put his head down, and he couldn’t stop the tears that flowed.

***********************

It seemed like an eternity until they could go to the hospital. But they were told that the doctors wanted to see them first.

“Doctors…why Doctor’s?” Tom said.

“Dunno...just want to talk to us, s’all I know,” Chris replied.

They were waiting in the small room that was used when staff wanted to talk to relatives.

“This is bull-shit, what they want to talk about…they said he was fine,” Dom snapped.

“We’ll find out, sounds like they’re coming,” Tom said.

“Mr Howard, Mr Wolstenholme, Mr Kirk. Which one of you is nominated as an emergency contact?”

“We all are, why, is there a problem?” Chris said, leaning forward.

One of the doctor’s cleared his throat.

“I’m Doctor Simon’s, the on-call psychiatrist…we’re a little concerned over Mr Bellamy’s behaviour.”

“He has brain damage, he can’t help whatever it is he’s done,” Dom said, affronted at the doctor’s words.

“Please, Mr Howard, we are aware of Mr Bellamy’s condition. But something seems to have made his condition worse. Is he under any sort of extra stress?”

“Extra stress…yeah, half of Fleet Street is waiting for him to go completely nuts and top himself!” Dom snarled.

Chris put a hand on Dom’s shoulder, then said.

“What kind of behaviour?”

“He hasn’t let any of our staff near him, and has had bouts of crying and then being almost catatonic.”

“Yeah, that’s what happens when he’s shoved in a ward with a load of strangers and guys in white coats trying to stick needles in him. He   
has a routine and you have to tell him if something new is happening…he’s sodding well terrified!” Chris nearly shouted.

“Perhaps if one of us could see him,” Tom said, keeping his voice calm and level. “We might be able to calm him down.”

“That might be wise, this is not doing him any good physically.”

“You do it, Dom,” Chris said.

*******************

Dom looked at Chris. He’d told him and Tom what had happened. They were shocked and then they were angry….but then they calmed down.

Chris even joked that it was about bloody time one of them had done something; just not in the way Dom had done it.

Tom had said, “Ask him out a bloody date first!”

“Okay, I’ll do it,” he’d said.

Now he was approaching the side room they’d had to put him in, as he was disturbing the other patients.

“Matt,” he said nervously, and wasn’t prepared for the brunet blur that almost floored him.

“Dom…thank god. Please tell me you’re getting me out of here,” Matt said into his chest.

He was a little stunned at the change in Matt’s demeanour from the night before. Was this because he wanted to get out or was it because…  
no, now wasn’t the time to discuss this.

“Yeah, I’ve come to take you home. Me, Chris and Tom,” he said and wrapped his arms around the smaller man.

“They took my stuff…my phone… they want to keep me here.”

Dom’s heart skipped a beat, Matt sounded so frightened, and his protective side rushed to the fore.

“We’ll get your stuff, they only took it for safe-keeping. Give me a few minutes, yeah.”

He extricated himself from Matt’s crushing hug and with another assurance that he would be back, he left and went back to the others.

“He wants to go home and I, no….we are taking him home. You have no reason to keep him here.”

“But we feel he could…..”

“No buts, or do you really want half of Fleet Street and our lawyers on your doorstep?”

Fifteen minutes later they were in the car and Dom found the circulation in his hand being restricted by the grip Matt had on it.

“Dom?” Matt said, his voice only loud enough for Dom to hear.

“Yeah?” he said in the same quiet tone.

“The kiss.”

Dom tensed, what was Matt going to say? Was he going to be rejected?

“I liked it.”

Matt said nothing else. But those three words made Dom’s heart soar. When things had settled, he was going to ask Matt out on that date.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A miracle happens.......................

Dom was up early, he wanted to catch the papers and Anna before Matt woke up. Leaving the hospital had been the easy part, because Matt hadn’t settled at all, and either he or Chris had spent all day trying to reassure him.

Eventually he’d run out of nervous energy and had finally slept; not that the night was peaceful.

They’d been woken by Matt pacing up and down the landing, and they had feared for his mental health. They knew Matt would hate it, but they’d resorted to crushing up the sleeping tablets the doctor’s had given then, and slipping him the proverbial ‘Mickey Finn.’

Dom entered the kitchen and found Chris and Tom already up, looking as tired as he felt.

“That was a rough night,” Tom said. “Could do without another one of those.”

“At least he’s still sleeping,” Chris said. “Out cold when I checked.”

Dom felt a wave of guilt, knowing that he was the cause of it.

“Have the paper’s come yet?” he asked.

“Nope,” Chris said. “But Anna will be in soon.”

“You know Matt’s going to be pissed that we Mickey Finned him,” Tom said.

That was too much for Dom, and he shot up.

“It’s all my fault okay…just say it!” he yelled.

“That will do, Dominic,” Anna’s voice said.

Anna was standing at the kitchen door, “Now, exactly what is all your fault?”

************************

Chris and Tom left Dom alone with Anna after explaining…well explaining almost everything.

Anna listened as Dom told her, leaving nothing out.

“Well, that’s quite something,” she said.

“No kidding,” he said.

“There’s no need for sarcasm,” Anna chided.

Dom let out a long sigh, “What do I do? Do I say nothing and shut my feelings away.”

“Oh, Dominic love, you might as well tell your heart to stop beating. But Matthew is fragile, even more so at the moment, and he reacted like he does when it gets too much. Just be there for him, and if he has feelings for you, he’ll show you.”

Dom smiled at her, “Anna, how did you get so wise?”

She laughed, “I don’t know about wise, but I’ve gotten to know Matthew. I don’t know what he was like before his accident, but I can guess he was a passionate and loyal person.”

“You have no idea,” Dom said.

“Well, I see that in him and if…if he feels about you the way you feel about him, he won’t be able to hide it.”

“Anna, you are an angel.”

“Oh don’t say that, young man. Because if you hurt that fragile soul, you will hear about it. Now I think it’s time for breakfast.”

***************************

Matt’s head felt like it was full of cotton wool. He knew exactly why it felt like that…sleeping tablets. He hadn’t taken anything like that since those hectic days of touring Origins.

That meant someone had slipped him a ‘mickey’…had he been that bad?

He showered and dressed, and as he reached the stairs he could smell breakfast. But there was also the sound of voices.

He hesitated, not sure if he could face the others; especially Dom.

“Don’t be a coward,” he said to himself, just don’t make a big thing out of it.

He heard the letterbox go and he bypassed the kitchen and went to the door. He picked up the papers, trying not to think about the ever present photographers lurking outside the gates. 

He’d gotten used to seeing at least one of them actually peering over the wall. He caught the flash of a camera in the corner of his eye, but his head felt too fuzzy to react to it.

“Come away from the door,” Dom’s voice said.

He turned away, but found he couldn’t look Dom in the eye.

“Hey,” Dom said. “You can look at me. What happened the other night, shouldn’t have happened. Are we good?”

Matt felt his heart sink a little….it shouldn’t have happened. But it had, was Dom….no, don’t make a big thing out of it.

He looked at Dom and said, “Yeah, we’re good.”

Dom smiled and took some of the papers and Matt followed him into the kitchen. He was glad that no-one mentioned the other night, and the discussion turned to the charity gig.

“We need to talk about the set-list,” Tom said. “So I can start on the visuals.”

“I want to play a mix, but I want to play some really old stuff, like The Groove,” Matt said.

“Blimey, we haven’t played that in years, but yeah, I’ll go for it,” Chris said.

“We’ve got enough time to get back into them,” Dom added.

“I don’t want over-kill on the backdrop,” Matt continued. “I want it to be about the music. I still want graphics. Tom, do you have any archive stuff finished?”

“Yeah…why?”

Matt hesitated, not sure how the others would take this.

“I want it to reflect our time as a band…as friends.”

“Sure,” Tom said, although Matt could hear uncertainty in his voice.

“Why do you want that sort of stuff?” Chris asked.

“Because it’s what I want, you never used to question my choices!” he snapped.

He stood then and walked out of the kitchen.

*********************

For a few seconds the others just looked at each other, until the slam of a distant door echoed around the house.

He’d never snapped at Chris before.

“I’ll go find him,” Dom said.

Dom had a pretty good idea where Matt had gone. It was the same place he always retreated to, when things got too much.

He opened the door to the music room, and there he was. The piano may be grander, but it was still his place of refuge. He had his headphones on and was lost in whatever music he was playing.

Dom was loathe to disturb him, bring him back to a reality he probably hated…but he had to.

He moved into Matt’s peripheral vision and he unplugged and took his headphones off.

“Go away, Dom,” he said.

“Nope, you know I won’t.”

“Don’t tell me, you want to ‘talk’ about it,” and Dom couldn’t miss the sarcasm laced ‘talk.’

“We just want to know why you wanted those archives in the show.”

He saw Matt’s shoulders fall.

“I…I wanted people to see, before we go on….to see us. What if I can’t Dom…what if it’s over?

“Matt, do you still hear it, the music, do you still hear it in your head?”

Matt closed his eyes and Dom saw the smile appear…he did.

“See, it’s still there. Why don’t you sing something?”

Matt looked at him; his face creased in a frown.

“Dom, you know I don’t…”

Sod this holding back, Dom thought. He sat next to Matt and took one of Matt’s hands….it was trembling. He smiled inwardly when Matt didn’t pull his hand away.

“Matt, we’ve been friends for twenty years. Its time you trusted me….us. You can stand in front of seventy thousand people and sing your heart out, but we’ve never…I’ve never heard you…really heard you.”

He could see the conflicting emotions in Matt’s eyes, and he felt resistance to his hand, so he let go.

“I...” Matt started to say, but then Dom saw that determined look appear on Matt’s face; his jaw setting, and that V appearing, a sign of concentration.

Dom held his breath as the first few notes came from the piano.

Matt’s voice was hesitant at first…and the song was one Dom never expected Matt to sing.

“Somewhere over the rainbow…way up high  
There’s a land that I heard of…once in a lullaby  
Somewhere over the rainbow….skies are blue  
And dreams that you dare to dream…really do come true”

After a few bars Matt’s voice became stronger.

“Someday I’ll wish upon a star  
And wake up where the clouds are far….behind me  
Where troubles melt like lemon drops  
Away above the chimney tops  
That’s where you’ll find me”

Dom heard the door open, he knew the others must have heard.

“Somewhere over the rainbow….bluebirds fly  
Birds fly over the rainbow. Why then….oh why can’t I?  
If happy little bluebirds fly  
Beyond the rainbow…why…. oh why can’t I?”

Matt’s eyes had closed and Dom could see that same joy he saw on stage…and he knew, even if Matt didn’t. This wasn’t over; not even brain damage could kill it.

He looked at the others, and they looked like they’d seen a miracle…well it was.

“Dear god…that was…wow,” Tom said.

That broke whatever spell Matt was under, and like a scalded cat Matt shot up and was gone.

Chris made to go after him, but Dom shook his head.

“No, leave him.”

“That was….huge,” Chris said, his voice no more than a whisper.

“Yes…it was,” Dom said.

They fell into silence...something had changed, and they knew that whatever had happened, things would never be the same again.


	5. Chapter 5

Matt hadn’t expected anyone to come after him…much less Dom.

He’d fled to the music room; his place of refuge.

He caught someone in his peripheral vision, and he stopped playing, and removed his headphones.

“Go away, Dom.”

“Nope, you know I won’t.”

“Don’t tell me, you want to ‘talk.’”

“We just want to know why you wanted those archives in the show.”

“I…I wanted people to see, before we go on. What if I can’t? What if it’s over?”

Then Dom had asked him if he still heard the music in his head; he hadn’t actually thought about it. He closed his eyes, and for a few panicky seconds he thought…no, there it was, and he couldn’t stop his smile.

Then Dom had asked him to sing something. What….he was kidding, right? Dom knew he only sang in front of a crowd and only in the studio with them when it was really needed.

He was surprised when Dom sat next to him, and then took his hand. He was even more surprised when he didn’t snatch his hand away. 

Then Dom had said something that got to him….could he do it?

Perhaps he could; he had sort of done it with Chris, when they were jamming out Explorers.

With a knot of nerves, he began the melody of the song he’d been tinkering with earlier. His voice felt shaky as he sang the first line.

“Somewhere over the rainbow……

Then that feeling of joy he got when he sang rushed to the fore, and before he knew it, he had finished the song.

“Dear god…that was…wow,” Tom’s voice said.

That snapped him out of his little bubble, and the enormity of what he’d just done became too much. He shot off the stool and ran.

He found the most distant part of the house, one that only he used; not that he was interested in stargazing.

He tried to calm his wildly beating heart….he couldn’t believe he’d sung in front of one person. 

How had he done that?

Then thrown into the mix was that kiss and the fact that he really hadn’t minded….Christ, this was way too confusing.

How the hell could he concentrate on the album and the charity gig, if his heart was as confused as his head.

“Stupid, stupid head,” he said to himself, pulling at his hair. “Why can’t you work right?”

He felt tears well up, hot in his eyes….he hated this. Sometimes his mind was so clear...but not now. He stifled a sob and the tears he’d been holding back began trailing hot tracks down his face.

He was startled awake by a knock at the door…when had he fallen asleep?

“Matthew?”

It was Anna.

He got off the floor and unlocked and opened the door.

Anna handed him a mug of tea and produce his favourite biscuits.

“This is a one-off, chocolate biscuits are not a healthy breakfast. But I believe comfort food is called for.”

She sat on the only chair and Matt returned to the floor.

“I heard you singing, it was wonderful.”

Matt put his tea down and studiously inspected the floor.

“Christopher told me you’d never done that before. No wonder you wanted to get away. It must have been overwhelming.”

He looked up then, the tears threatening to come back.

“You have so much to cope with, don’t you sweetheart. And now there’s your heart to deal with as well.”

He blinked, not caring if a tear escaped.

“Dominic told me, and he shouldn’t have done that, well, not without at least buying you dinner.”

He frowned at that, but Anna continued.

“Matthew, did the kiss offend you?”

He shook his head.

Anna smiled, “But it made you angry…and that Matthew is perfectly normal. But if Dominic does ask you out on a date, only say yes because you want to. Now, are you going to join the rest of us, or spend the rest of Sunday in here?”

********************************

Dom noticed that although Matt didn’t look him in the eye, he didn’t shun his company either.

Eventually Tom and Chris left, as they were in the studio the next day, and Tom needed to monitor the website, as the tickets were going on sale in the morning.

Only Dom stayed, so that Anna didn’t have to stay up too late.

“So, you know what we’re doing in the session tomorrow?” he asked.

Matt didn’t’ respond at first; his eyes were closed, obviously listening to the soft music playing in the background.

“Matt…” he said, louder this time.

Matt let out a sigh and opened his eyes, and looked directly at him. Dom had never noticed how blue they were.

“I was thinking, track seven needs re-arranging.”

But Dom wasn’t really listening, he was still entranced by Matt’s eyes.

“Matt,” he interrupted; he had to do this…or he never would.

“I’m going to say this, and you can tell me to go to hell, I don’t care. Will you go out to dinner with me…a dinner date?”

He looked away, not wanting to see Matt’s reaction, and for fear of rejection.

There was an awful silence and he thought that once again he’d made a terrible mistake.

“Yes,” Matt said.

“I’m sorry, I won’t ask again,” he replied, his heart falling….wait, did Matt say………..

“I said yes,” Matt repeated and smiled.

“Oh...wow ….okay,” he stammered. “Saturday okay?”

Matt chuckled and said, “It’s usually me that stammers, and Saturday it is.”

Matt moved away, yawned and stretched, giving Dom a tantalizing glimpse of pale skin stretched over a well-defined stomach.

“I’m going to bed…been a hell of a day.”

Dom got another surprise when Matt leaned forward and kissed him, the got up and left. He wasn’t sure what had changed, but he was   
happy that it had.

***********************

Monday was starting to become a very difficult day.

Matt had gradually degenerated into a foul mood, snapping and snarling when the smallest thing went wrong.

Even Dom and Chris’ patience was being tried.

“Do you think we should stop for a while?” Chris said.

Dom looked into the recording room, where Matt was glaring vehemently at one of his guitars.

“Let’s leave him alone for a bit, go and get a coffee.”

Chris nodded and they went to the other side of the studio complex.

They were walking back when Chris said.

“Did you hear that? It sounded like your drum-kit.”

They walked quicker, not really wanting Dom’s kit to be the victim of one of Matt’s rages. 

They expected to see Matt in the middle of something destructive, but he wasn’t in eyesight.

“Where is he?” Chris said.

They went to the door of the booth and went in.

“Matt?” Dom said…but there was silence.

Then he spotted Matt’s guitar…then he spotted Matt. 

He was on the floor, curled up, and a low moan came from the curled up figure.

“Matt?” Dom said, a frisson of fear welling up.

The reply he got made his stomach lurch.

“My head…it hurts….hurts so much.”


	6. Chapter 6

“Matthew, you need to relax, I need to examine your eyes.”

A string of expletives reached Dom’s ears from behind the cubicle curtain. Then something more ear friendly but heart-wrenching.

“It hurts….painkillers….”

“I’m sorry Matthew, not until we’ve done a CT scan.”

“Please…”

Dom hated that word; especially as it sounded like a child pleading for someone to make it better.

“Not until after the CT scan. Now, please let me examine your eyes.”

There was silence for a few minutes, until Matt let out another whimper.

“For Christ’s sake, I can’t stand this,” Dom said.

He went to stand but Chris put a hand on his shoulder.

“Dom, let them do their job.”

The doctor reappeared and said, “Mr. Howard, Mr. Wolstenholme. We’re taking Matthew for a CT scan now.”

The curtain was pulled back and they became even unhappier. Matt looked terrible, he was pale and Dom could see the pain on his face.

“Can’t you give him something?”

“Unfortunately not. We need to see if there’s something causing the headache.”

“But it’s just a headache, right?” Chris asked.

“Matthew’s pupils aren’t reacting properly to stimulus. We need to see if it’s connected to his existing condition, or it’s something new.”

With that the doctor was gone, following Matt.

Both of them sat down again.

“What did he mean about his pupils, what is he saying?” Dom said, dread welling up in his stomach.

“Dom, we have to wait and see what they say.”

It seemed like an eternity before Matt was brought back. He seemed to have calmed down; in fact, he looked out of it.

“Is he okay?” Chris asked.

“We had to sedate him, he became unmanageable when we tried to put him in the scanner.”

“You should have let me go with him,” Dom said.

“Not possible, I’m afraid.”

“Did the scan show anything?” he asked.

“The scan was clear, so we’re keeping him overnight and he will have a MRI in the morning. I suggest you go home and get some rest.”

“I want to stay,” Dom said.

“Mr. Howard,” the doctor said. “We don’t want to keep him sedated for too long, and I fear that if he comes to and finds you here, he might   
become agitated again. We have your contact details, and you can of course contact the ward in the morning. He’ll be on Hansworth Ward, you can ask the receptionist for their direct number.”

Chris had to drag Dom away and he rang Tom, who arrived and picked them up.

Dom tried to sleep, but his head was full of awful thoughts. What if something had changed for the worse; he didn’t want to lose Matt.

*******************

Matt had woken with a small niggling pain in his head. He downed a couple of painkillers and thought nothing more of it.

He’d been in the studio for a few hours, and he was having trouble getting the heavy riff for a particular song right. He tried re-tuning the guitar it but that didn’t seem to be the problem. He stopped playing and let out a breath.

The headache was starting to niggle again, perhaps that was why he couldn’t get the riff. He reached for his painkillers…oh, he’d forgotten them.

He decided to leave the riff for a while and moved onto working on the drum part that Dom said needed some fine-tuning. But as he sat listening to the rhythmic beat, his mind kept wandering back to that riff.

He sighed, and went back to it. But after another frustrating ten minutes, he still couldn’t get it right.

One of the sound engineers made the mistake of entering the recording area, and he snarled at him…and after that his mood and his headache got no better.

The afternoon turned into early evening. He looked at the clock and blinked; the numbers seemed blurred…stupid headache. He supposed he should have told the others, and they would have sent someone to get his tablets.

But of course, he was too stubborn, and now it was just the band left in the studio.

He was now glowering at the guitar like it was his sworn enemy. He vaguely heard someone say they were going for a break, but he wasn’t really paying attention.

He picked up the guitar again and started the same riff once more…well, he tried…but his fingers didn’t want to co-operate….they felt un-coordinated.

He lifted his hand, it was shaking…..what?

A pain suddenly shot through his head and he dropped the guitar, and it let out an electronic squeal of protest.

He hoped the others would be coming back, but there was no-one. Another shock of pain hit him and his balance went. He crashed into   
Dom’s drum-kit and hit the floor.

The pain was crippling and all he could do was curl up in a protective ball, hands pulling at his hair, in an attempt to stop the pain.

He heard a voice…Chris…then Dom’s panicked question.

But all he could say in reply was.

“My head….it hurts.”

The next thing he could clearly see and hear was the sound of…wait, it sounded like….a hospital ward.

*******************

Dom had phoned the ward as early as he dared, only to be told that Matt had already gone down for his scan.

Chris couldn’t go as one of his kids had been sick overnight, and Tom had enough to do organizing stuff for the gig.

So he was the one who had to see the doctor and Matt.

The sister said he could wait inside the ward, and was pleased to see he was in one of the side rooms, away from those that might be tempted to take an unwanted and sellable picture.

He hated hospitals and he knew Matt was worse than him. Well, he was going to make it up to him. There was a new Italian place the he knew Matt would love.

A nurse came in and said that Matt would be back in a few minutes, and would he mind stepping out whilst they settled him back in.

He waited for a least fifteen minutes, before his patience ran out. He approached the room and stopped, when he heard raised voices…more Matt’s than the other person.

“I said no, and you can’t do anything about it.”

“Please, Mister Bellamy, you have to….”

“Again no, it will have to wait.”

The doctor came out and he looked displeased.

“What can wait?” he asked as he walked in the door.

Matt seemed startled, but it was quickly replaced by a smile.

“The doctor wants me to take it easy…not a chance.”

Dom sat on the bed…looking Matt in the eyes.

“What did the MRI show?”

“Nothing…well, nothing more than, y’know,” Matt said, tapping his forehead.

“Then why the crippling headache?”

“He thinks I got over-stressed and tired. That riff was driving me nuts.”

For a fleeting moment, Dom felt like he was being spun a tale…but he pushed it away.

“So, are they keeping you in?”

“Not a chance. I’m not missing that dinner.”

“But if he said…”

He was stopped by Matt putting a finger on his lips.

“I’m not missing that dinner,” he said softly, those cerulean eyes suddenly flecked with gold as they softened.

“We’re so busy and I….well…I just don’t want to waste what spare time we have.”

Dom thought he saw a flicker of sadness in Matt’s eyes, before another smile lit up his face.

“Anyway, they say I can go after lunch.”

Dom smiled, “I’ll go to your place and get some fresh clothes.”

“Nice.”

Then someone came in and asked if Matt wanted any breakfast and Dom had to leave.

He never noticed Matt’s smile drop and it wasn’t until he was going through Matt’s wardrobe that the feeling that he’d been left out of something returned. He shook his head, you’re starting get like Matt.

He picked out what he thought Matt would be comfortable in, and laughed at some of the things he saw in the back of Matt’s wardrobe.

Twenty years and he still hadn’t managed to improve Matt’s fashion sense, and he supposed deep down, he really didn’t want to.  
Matt was and would always be his own man…silver lame suit included.

************************

Matt hated lying to Dom, but he had to know if Dom wanted to be with him, because he wanted to be with him, and not out of fear of losing him.

He’d told the consultant that he knew the risks, but he didn’t want to stop right now. He would, but there were things he needed…no wanted to do.

Yes, he was aware of what could happen; then so be it….as Dom had once said he was after all, his own stubborn man.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The first date..........and Matt has a surprise for Dom.

Dom couldn’t believe it was Saturday already, and Jesus……he was bloody nervous.

He’d spent over an hour choosing his outfit. Even after finally settling on a combo, he still checked in the mirror at least a dozen times. It wasn’t that he had no experience with men, but nothing beyond a half-intoxicated fumble in the dark of a nightclub.

But this was serious, a proper date and to make it even worse, it was with Matt; his friend and bandmate of twenty years.

Talk about tip-toeing through a minefield in clown shoes.

He drew up to the gates of Matt’s house…and surprise, there were the usual pack of paparazzi. 

He tried to ignore the flashes as he waited for the gates to open.

As he approached the front door, he could hear the steady rhythm of heavy drums and guitar. 

He opened the door with his key and the tune became recognizable; it was Billy Idol’s ‘Catch My Fall’. He’d never heard that on Matt’s playlist.

“Matt,” he called as the lyrics started again.

“If I should stumble,  
Catch my fall…..

He sighed and climbed the stairs, and knocked on Matt’s bedroom door. The music stopped and a voice said.

“Be with you in a minute, go back downstairs.”

Dom knew better than not to do as Matt asked and jogged back down. He looked in the full length mirror and adjusted his shirt. He hoped the blue shirt and black skinnies were okay.

He heard a door slam, Matt could never just close a door. He let out a breath, trying to calm his nerves.

“Hey Dom,” Matt’s voice said. He turned and was left breathless.

Matt looked stunning in black fitted jeans and a black shirt with white piping on the collar. His hair was messed, but not to its stage extreme….and my god, he’d dyed it black.

Christ, was he trying to give him heart attack.

“You look…wow,” he said.

“Thanks,” Matt said. “Wasn’t sure about dyeing the hair.”

“It looks great. You do know the papers will have a field day with it.”

“Yeah, Matthew Bellamy rocks his 2006 look in a desperate bid to hold back the years.”

“Don’t think so….more like, Matthew Bellamy smolders in black, with hair to match. It’ll drive the fans crazy.”

A honk of a horn told them their taxi had arrived.

Running the gauntlet of the pap’s had become normal, and to Dom’s surprise Matt flashed them a cheeky smile.

**************************

The restaurant was in a nicer part of London, and it wasn’t a celebrity haunt.

“You like it?” Dom asked.

“Yeah,” Matt said, looking round.

The waiter appeared with the wine list and he let Matt order it. They ordered their food and the Dom asked.

“Why did you say yes?”

**********************

Matt knew that question would eventually be asked. He sat back and studied his glass of red. He took a deep breath and looked at Dom, the question in gray eyes he was seeing anew.

“Why…perhaps it’s taken me twenty bloody years to realize you were more than my best friend. Plus, all the things that have happened in the last year, made me realize that life is too short and unpredictable. You have to grab it by the balls and run with it.”

He saw the relief in Dom’s eyes, and he felt a twinge of guilt. His conversation with the consultant was still on his mind, and he’d been at war with himself over whether he should tell anyone.

He bit back the urge to say it now; he wanted to enjoy this date and see where it lead.

He realized Dom was speaking again.

“But you never showed any interest.”

“Did you?” he replied.

“No, I guess not,” Dom said. “We were too busy doing what blokes did.”

Dom reached across and put a hand over his.

“But that doesn’t matter…this is now. I don’t want to rush this, we have time to see if this is going anywhere.”

Matt felt another twinge of guilt…maybe not. Had he made the right decision; he didn’t know yet. He shook the feeling away, this was a date, not a time for introspection.

“Yeah,” he said.

The food arrived and Matt declared the pasta and tomato was up there with the best, and the strawberry gelato was to die for.

They were on coffee, when he started to feel tired. It must have shown on his face, because Dom asked.

“Matt, are you okay? Is it a headache?”

He saw the look of concern on Dom’s face and he said.

“Chill, Mother Howard, just a bit tired, probably too much wine and coffee. It’s okay though.”

Dom shook his head, “Nope, let’s get you home.”

“Really, it’s okay,” he said.

“Matt, I know you well enough to know when you’re bull-shitting….home, now.”

“But…”

“No buts, you know what the consultant said. You get tired, pills…bed…sleep.”

*********************

Dom knew that Matt was lying; date or no date, it was time to take Matt home. They had a busy schedule ahead….interviews, the album and now the charity gig.

Monday they were going to the O2 to see if the back drop Matt had designed would fit, and to do any adjustments, and a tired and unhappy Matt was the last thing they needed.

He was worried that there was something going on with Matt. Since their frantic trip to the A&E, he was sure of it. But the chances of getting it out of Matt or him volunteering it, were basically zero.

So he did what he’d always done; he took care of him. 

It had always been this way, within the trio. It was Chris who reined in his fiery temper, and anchored him when he threatened to implode. But it was to him that Matt turned when he was ill, or too drunk to find the tour bus…and his was the shoulder that bore his tears.

And it was to him that he turned now, seeking comfort...the fatigue now showing on his face. 

“Nearly home,” he said into Matt’s hair as he held him. He ignored the look from the taxi driver.

“Matt, you have to sit up, the pap’s.”

Matt let out a small noise as Dom moved his arm.

“I’m sorry,” he said.

He tensed as once again they were subjected to a barrages of cameras, but Matt was too tired to even register their presence.  
Matt leant against the wall as Dom opened the door.

“C’mon Matt,” he said gently.

Dom guided him upstairs and Matt sat on his bed, looking miserable.

“I’m sorry,” he said.

“What for?”

“For ruining out first date.”

“Doesn’t matter, there’ll be other dates. Now, shower…bed,” he said.

Matt sighed and began unbuttoning his shirt and he turned away.

He heard a soft laugh and Matt said.

“Dom, you’ve seen my naked arse enough times.”

“Yeah…but I…I’ll go and get your tablets and some tea. Now shower, and not one of your half-arsed showers...I’ll know.”

He smiled when Matt grumbled something like “not wanting to smell like your faff-bag” as the bathroom door closed.

He waited until he heard the water running before he went down to the kitchen. He tried to take his time making the tea, which wasn’t hard, as he had to search the cupboards for those cookies that Matt obsessed over.

As he rummaged through a cupboard, an envelope fell out…Matt never put his post in the letter rack. He picked it up and caught the address of the sender; Matt’s solicitors.

The top part was sticking out and he could see the department…wills and probates.

He frowned then chided himself and put the letter back. Why wouldn’t Matt have this sort of mail? Their success had made them wealthy; not that Matt was bothered about the money, but he supposed the money had to go somewhere…eventually.

He shrugged his shoulders; it was Matt’s business.

He found the cookies and laid the tea tray. Matt should be showered and in bed by now.

He walked in with the tray and yes Matt was showered and in bed, but….dear lord, freshly showered and towel dried haired Matt was nigh on irresistible.

He put the tray down and poured tea into a mug and handed it to Matt. He took two pills from a bottle…god, he hated those things; they dulled the mind they were designed to protect.

“I’ll let you get some sleep,” he said as he handed him the tablets. He started walking towards the door.

“Don’t...stay,” Matt said.

“Matt.”

“Please, at least until these things kick in.”

How could he say no and he sat on the empty side. He could smell the shampoo that Matt favored and he had to restrain from actually smelling it.

They talked about silly things and how Matt really wanted to go to Disneyland…big kid.

Eventually the pills began to kick in and Matt ended up half asleep on Dom’s chest.

“I enjoyed our first date,” Matt said sleepily.

“Me too,” Dom said and planted a kiss on Matt’s hair, taking in the scent of shampoo and Matt.

“We can go on another one,” he said.

Matt sighed and then said.

“Not enough time.”

“Of course…” Dom stopped as Matt was gone, the pills finally taking him.

“Then we’ll make time,” he said, but why did a feeling that something was lurking, waiting to spoil it all….because just when you thought things were finally going well, life could hit you for six.


	8. Chapter 8

Matt sighed as he walked into the O2 arena. His head was still fuzzy from the tablets, god, he hated the bloody things; it meant he couldn’t always think straight for at least a day.

He stood in the middle of the arena, where the circular stage was going to be. Yeah, his design would work.

“So, what do you think?” Tom asked.

“Yeah, it’ll work. I think we can raise the stage a bit, give the fans a better view, and put screens round the edge of it.”

“Matt, we don’t have the budget for that,” Dom A said.

“I’ll pay for it,” he said.

“That’s a lot of money, are you sure?”

“I’m sure, tell me how much and I transfer the money.”

Tom looked over at Dom and Chris…not sure what to say.

Dom moved next to Matt, “Are you sure, that’s at least…..”

“I know how much it is,” he interrupted. “I want to see the backstage area.”

He started walking off, expecting the others to follow. As he walked, he felt more than saw Dom join him.

“That’s pretty generous, your accountants going to love you.”

“Not coming out of my business account.”

Dom stopped him, “Matt, that’s a hell of a lot of money.”

“It’s only money.”

“Matt, what’s going on, you were happy with the design yesterday.”

He looked at Dom…tell him, just tell him.

“There’s nothing going on. I’d forgotten how big this place was, that’s all. Can we get going, I have to go into the city this afternoon.”

“You never said, I’ll come with you.”

“No, I’ll be okay. I only have one place to go to.”

“Don’t think so,” Dom said.

Now he was starting to feel irritated.

“Jesus, Dom. I’m thirty-six, not a kid.”

“You know you have to have someone with you.”

“No, it’s personal stuff.”

“Matt….” Dom started to say, but he cut him off.

“Just bloody leave it,” he snapped. “Sod this.”

He turned away and starting heading towards the nearest exit. He ignored Dom and the others when the called after him.

He walked faster, knowing the others would come after him. He wanted to catch one of the shuttle buses that ran every half hour. He saw the large crowd gathered outside the main entrance; he didn’t want to get caught by them.

He pulled his hood up and made a quick left and headed towards another of the exits.

As he exited he heard the crowd cheer, and he guessed the others must have come out of the main entrance. With a smile he slipped away, knowing that it would take them time to extricate themselves.

He was in luck as a bus had just pulled up, and using his oyster card he got on and sat at the back. He knew he was going to get hell when he eventually went home, but where he was going, he couldn’t really take anyone; especially his friends and definitely not Dom…not now things were changing between them.

The bus ride gave him the time to think. He wasn’t a religious man, but if he was, he would have prayed that time was on his side…so much to do and not enough time.

He knew the discussion he was going to have this afternoon would not be pleasant, but he’d agreed to it. He had to know, in detail…know all the consequences.

****************************

Dom had been as surprised as everyone else when Matt said he would pay for the additional stage setting. Fair enough, but then he’s said he’d pay for it out of his personal money….he had to question that.

He got a curt reply and then Matt had said he had to go into the city and he was going on his own. Then Matt had virtually snarled at him before walking off and showing no sign of stopping.

“He’s heading for the exit,” Chris said. “We better stop him.”

They went after him, but he had a head start, and they had no clue as to which exit he’d used.

“Main doors, we’ll see him from there,” Dom A said.

But as they went through the door, a large crowd barred their way, and they could do nothing but smile, sign autographs and fend off question as to where Matt was.

Probably halfway to Mexico Dom wanted to hiss…Matt was gone. He tried Matt’s phone but it was switched off.

He went back to Matt’s home, knowing he would eventually come home.

It was getting towards seven before Matt came through the door. He didn’t give him chance to slip past him, stepping in front of him.  
“Where the hell have you been?”

He got Matt’s ‘none of your business’ glare, but he wasn’t going to be put off.

“It is my business, what’s going on with you?”

He saw annoyance flash across Matt’s face.

“Matt, we’ve never had secrets, as a band, or as friends.”

Matt finally spoke.

“What…one date and you think I should tell you everything?”

There was an edge to Matt’s voice, but it wasn’t anger.

“Matt, whatever it is, we can face it together. Just like we always have, like we’re doing now.”

Matt’s eyes narrowed.

“Together,” he spat. “Face it together...fine, you want to know what’s wrong. What’s wrong is I can’t go anywhere on my own anymore.”  
“You know you….”

Matt cut him off, and when he spoke again, there was a desperate tone to his voice.

“I feel trapped, Dom. It’s like I’ve been stuffed in a box and the lid is being nailed shut. I can’t….”

Dom cut his words off by pulling him into his arms.

“Matt, we do it because we care,” he said softly. “I care.”

He felt some of the tension leave Matt’s body.

“Dom?”

“Yeah?”

“Let’s go out.”

“What, now?”

“I want to go somewhere where there’s people and noise…and music.”

“Matt…”

“Please, let’s just go. I don’t care where.”

How could Dom say no, when Matt seemed desperate for a connection.

“Alright, how about Mackey’s?”

“Okay,” Matt said. “Never been there before.”

“You’ll like it…but first, shower and change. You stink of car fumes.”

He smiled when that elicited a very unique Matt giggle.

******************

Mackey’s was busy as the heaving dance floor attested to when they entered. The music was loud, making speech almost impossible.  
But a voice carried over it.

“Dommie baby!”

Dom smiled as a flurry of colours that not even Matt would dare wear together came towards him and Dom felt Matt’s hand leave his as the flurry of colours hugged him.

Then Matt took a step back, when the person noticed him.

“Oh Dommie, isn’t he the sweetest thing!”

This was said at a decibel of sound that could have rivalled Matt’s on stage performance.

When Matt looked at him, Dom said.

“Matt, this is Daniel. He owns the place.”

Matt put his hand out but the colourful figure hugged him.

“I’ll give you one of the booths, nice and private.”

Matt mumbled something about getting a round in, before disappearing into the crowd and towards the bar area.

Dom watched him go.

“Don’t worry honey, the boys at the bar will make sure he doesn’t get turned around. So, you finally realised he’s the one…about time.”

“Yeah, but I don’t know Daniel. I don’t know if he’s the same Matt anymore...”

“Dom, something may have tinkered with the engine, but the motor’s still running the same. Has he really changed that much? I read about it in the papers.”

Dom sighed, “I really don’t know. Some days he’s the Matt I know, and then….”

“Well, I think he’s into you, judging by how tight he was holding your hand. But we’d better go and rescue him,” Daniel said.  
Dom looked towards the bar area. At first he couldn’t see anything…then he spotted Matt.

He was backed against the bar, looking panicked; a stocky man standing way too close to him.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things get heated..........

Matt was wary when they first approached Mackey’s. He knew Dom frequented the club, but he’d never realized it was as popular as it turned out to be.

As he looked at the sea of people on the dance floor, he almost bottled out. But his senses were assaulted by a shock of colour, as someone called Daniel greeted Dom and then made him blush when he’d hugged him, and whispered in his ear that he was as ‘cute as a basket of kittens.’

He found himself at the bar, ordering drinks. He was about to hand over his card, when a voice said.

“Let me pay for those.”

He turned sharply and found himself staring into a pair of unfamiliar eyes.

“No, it’s okay, but thanks for the offer.”

But the owner of the eyes wasn’t taking his no as an answer.

“I haven’t seen you before.”

“Not likely to again,” he replied, hoping it would deter the unwanted attention; it didn’t.

“Feisty,” the stranger said and moved closer, causing him to back right up against the bar.

He felt panic welling up, and he looked or tried to look for Dom. The man was intimidating, and although Matt had the attitude of a larger bloke, his size always put him at a disadvantage.

“Look mate, I’m really not interested. I’m here with someone.”

“I know, I saw you come in. But he’s not here, and I am.”

The man was now pressed right against him, and his panic was rapidly rising.

“I’ve seen you on stage…the way you move. You are coming home with me.”

“No,” Matt said.

“Oh, I think so.”

“Is there a problem, Mister Bellamy?” a voice said.

Matt let out a relieved breath when the man turned and was faced with a very large security man, and just behind him stood Dom and Daniel.

The man smiled at him, “No problem,” he said turned back to Matt.

“See you again,” he said and then moved away.

“Make sure he leaves,” Daniel said. “I’m so sorry. Mister Bellamy.”

“No need, and its Matt…thank you.”

After Daniel had left, Dom took his place.

“Are you okay?”

“Makes a change. I’m the one usually being thrown out.”

“Come on, let’s get out of here.”

“No, Dom...we’re staying.”

He finally paid for the drinks and they made their way back to the booth.

“You must hate this place?” Dom said.

He smiled and then laughed, “Nah, reminds me of my misspent youth. Nights at the Roxy.”

Dom returned the laugh, “Blimey…the Roxy. Me trying to look cool, you finding the biggest idiot to pick a fight with.”

“Chris saving my arse before it got kicked…good days.”

*************************

Dom saw the sadness in Matt’s eyes; he was sure there was something else going on. But he wasn’t going to push him; it would only drive him away.

The music changed as a new DJ took over.

“How about we do you normally do in here...let’s dance.”

He could see the hesitation on Matt’s face. For all his front, Matt could be painfully shy and awkward.

“Come on Matt, it’s the best way to be amongst people. They don’t care who you are…come on.”

He held out his hand and for a few seconds it looked like Matt would refuse. But then he took his hand and allowed Dom to lead him onto the dance floor.

Dom knew this was a hard thing for Matt. He could be the king of co-ordination when he was behind a guitar, but he himself said he had the manoeuvrability of a bus off-stage.

The music changed as they reached the floor, and Billy Idol’s ‘Flesh for Fantasy’ started. Its steady rhythm was almost perfect for Dom to lead Matt in a dance.

“Dom, I can’t do this,” Matt said.

“You can,” he replied.

He turned Matt round and put his hands on his hips, and began to move.

“Feel the beat like you would Chris’ bass, and my drums. Feel it like you would on stage.”

As the song went on, Dom felt Matt’s awkward moves become fluid, and suddenly he was moving in synch with him. And it felt amazing, as Matt turned out to be a very lithe mover…and damn, it was hot.

The music shifted to Depeche Mode and Dom felt Matt lean into him…..he couldn’t take much more….he wanted Matt.

He leant forward and whispered in Matt’s ear. “You’re so damn hot.”

Matt’s dancing faltered and Dom heard Matt’s breath hitch. He turned and Dom could see in his eyes what he felt.

“My place….now,” Matt said, his voice low and…dear god.

He dragged Matt off the floor and called for a taxi.

“Not your place…too many cameras...my place.”

*****************************

They barely made it inside the door before Dom pushed Matt against the wall, hands either side of him.

“You shouldn’t dance like that,” he growled.

“Why, didn’t you like it?” Matt said, and Dom groaned at the pitch he asked the question in.

Dom’s answer was to attack Matt’s lips, and Matt was a willing partner.

They broke apart when breathing became an issue.

“You are….” Dom started to say, but was silenced by Matt pulling him closer.

“Don’t talk...act,” he said in his ear, his hot breath sending a flash of heat through Dom.

He growled and grabbed a handful of Matt’s hair and yanked his head back, exposing Matt’s neck; a part of Matt he’d always found attractive. 

He couldn’t resist biting into it; but he didn’t get the reaction he expected.

Matt flinched, then tensed…had he gone too far?

“Dom…I can’t…I’m sorry.”

Matt ducked under his arm and went into the lounge.

Dom let out breath to calm himself and went after him. He was standing by the window, looking out at the city.

“Matt…”

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have led y-you on.”

Dom moved to stand next to him, “You didn’t. I shouldn’t have been so forceful. You weren’t ready for that. I won’t say forget it, because I don’t want to. But how about we just have the proverbial coffee?”

He smiled when Matt let out a snort.

“Think you got it the wrong way round.”

“Yeah.”

Matt let out a long breath, then said.

“I should go, it’s really late.”

Dom put a hand on Matt’s arm, “You don’t have to go, you can stay here.”

He watched Matt’s face; he could see the indecision once again.

“Okay, but I have to leave a message for Anna, so she doesn’t worry. I’ll sleep on the sofa.”

“Matt, you don’t have to, you can share my bed…just to sleep.”

Again there was that indecision, then he nodded.

“Right, I’ll find you a tee to wear.”

Dom felt nervous again, he wasn’t sure why; it’s not like they hadn’t shared a bed before. In the early days, when they only had one tour bus and no heating, bunk sharing had been a necessity….and it had been him that Matt had chosen to bunk with.

Now it was different, the heated encounter in the hallway witness to that. 

His train of thought stopped when Matt came out of the bathroom and slipped into the bed, and then did what he’d always done…try to hog the bed.

Dom tolerated it for the first hour, but when Matt nearly pushed him out of it, he finally pushed him back.

“Oi, Bellamy...not the tour bus, budge over.”

He got the standard Bellamy response i.e.: a mumbled “leave off Dommers,” and taking more room.

Dom let out a huff and shoved harder.

“Matt! For Christ’s sake!”

At least this time he got a coherent answer.

“Bloody hell…there!” Matt snapped and shifted over, turning on his side, facing away. Dom then got Matt’s special brand of cold shoulder.

Now he felt guilty, that hadn’t changed either; you always felt like you’d kicked a puppy.

“Sorry,” he said, but all he got was a tensing of the shoulders. He sighed and moved closer, putting a arm over Matt’s waist. He smiled when 

Matt let out a sigh and shuffled back…patience Howard, he thought…there’s plenty of time.

He didn’t attempt sleep until he heard Matt’s breathe even out …yes, there was plenty of time.


	10. Chapter 10

This is strange Matt thought, shouldn’t I be on stage? Oh…I am…what? Am I tripping? Don’t remember doing any weed or shrooms. Hey, why am I on the floor and why aren’t Chris and Dom playing?

Why are the crowd silent….and what is that taste in my mouth. Is that….?

He woke with a start, expecting to taste blood, but there was none…Jesus, what a dream. He shifted slightly and Dom let out a sleepy, “Quit fidgeting Bells,” and tightened his arm around his waist.

He sighed, had he let this go too far….now he knew what he knew. He closed his eyes and tried to sleep, but too many thoughts whirled in his head. The conversation he’d had only twelve hours ago still haunted him…why was there never enough time.

He shifted again and this time Dom said in a more awake voice, his breath warm against his back.

“Something troubling you?”

He so wanted to tell Dom…tell him everything, but he said, “Nothing’s troubling me.”

Dom removed his arm and sat up and said.

“That’s bullshit, you only fidget when your mind is running overtime…so spill.”

He sighed and then sat up, the voice inside him saying ‘tell him…tell him’…..he couldn’t…so he lied.

“That bloke in the club, he freaked me out.”

Dom let out a breath before speaking, “Right, but you’ve had bloke’s perv on you before. So that’s not all...out with it.”

“I guess it’s the album…the gig…not knowing if I’ll be able to perform.”

He felt Dom drop a kiss on his shoulder.

“Matt…the album is coming along fine and the fans will understand after you do that interview with Zane on Wednesday. Is that the thing that’s worrying you?”

Yeah, that was bothering him, but the one thing that he worried about the most was the thing he couldn’t share.

“Yeah…I mean it’s going out live and you and Chris won’t be there with me. What if…what if I lose it?”

He felt Dom’s arm round his shoulder and he let him draw him into his arms.

“You know me and Chris will be behind the camera and Zane, you know he won’t push you and if you lose it…then you lose it. It’ll show them   
how hard this is for you. Now, how about we try and get some sleep yeah?”

He sighed and let Dom lay him down and he found the warmth and feel of Dom’s well-toned drummer’s arm reassuring.

“Stop worrying about things you can’t control, what happens, happens.”

With a sigh he closed his eyes…suddenly tired.

*********************

They were woken by the buzz of Dom’s inter-com and Tom’s voice, way too loud for the morning.

“Come on you two love-birds, the photo-shot won’t wait forever.”

“Good night, was it?” he said when they finally emerged from the building.

That earned his a glare from Dom and a ‘sod off’ from Matt…oh well, business as usual then.

Then the fun really began….

******************

“Please, Mister Bellamy, you do not wear one of our jackets with that…that hideous t-shirt!”

Matt folded his arm and said, “Well, I’m not wearing that…shirt.”

From outside the dressing area the barely concealed laughter of his so called friends only made it worse.

“That shirt as you call it is a five-hundred pound hand stitched designer shirt!”

“It could be a ten pound knock off from China for all I care…still not wearing it!”

“You are a-a-a Philistine!”

“Probably…..but still not wearing it. How about I wear that one instead.”

The man facing him actually turned pale, then he let out a huge huff of air and stormed out of the dressing area muttering something about ‘uncultured and idiot’, leaving Matt to actually make the choice he wanted.

He could hear the dresser complaining to his band mates, but he wasn’t bothered. He put the shirt he liked on and then the jacket, which he had to admit was very nice. He looked in the mirror and frowned; really should get more sleep.

He took in a breath, straightened the jacket and walked out of the dressing area.

***********************

When the dresser had stormed out, it had been left to Tom to go after him a placate him, whilst Chris and Dom tried to control their laughter. 

But secretly they were glad that Matt had retained the ‘get up people’s noses’ side of his personality.

Dom could see that when Matt stepped out of the dressing area, the amused glint in his eyes very obvious, and the fact that he was wearing   
the most colourful a garish shirt under that very expensive jacket.

The day went really quickly but by the end of it they were all tired; playing dress up was fun, but eventually you wanted to shut the lid of the dress-up box. They were going to stay at Matt’s house, since his house was the nearest. 

They were travelling to Manchester for the interview and had decided to go by train, as it was quicker. 

**********************************

The train journey was thankfully uneventful and they’d slept most of the journey. The station was busy when they got off the train; which turned out to be very unfortunate. 

Dom tried to keep an eye on the luggage and on Matt…as the singer had seemed a little out of it on the train. He turned to speak to Chris, it was only for a moment, but when he turned round…Matt was gone.

He was starting to panic, when he heard Tom shout.

“Over here!”

He let out a sigh of relief, Matt was with Tom and they were holding four styro-foam cups between them.

“I’ve called a taxi,” he said and Dom smiled a thank you when Matt handed him his cup.

The live interview went smoothly and Dom was so proud of Matt, even when he had started to stammer he’d overcome it and now the nation could see how hard it was for him.

He was just relaxing in his hotel room, contemplating going to bed, when there was a knock at the door. He opened it, just to tell the person to go away….but was pushed back into the room by Matt.

The look on his face told Dom exactly why he was here, before he said in that low voice that had always done things to him.

“Want you Dom….want you now.”


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dom makes another mistake.......

“Want you, Dom…want you now,” Matt breathed and pushed him onto the bed, and when Matt straddled him, his mind left the room. He let out a groan at the weight of the singer on his groin.

Matt leaned forward and Dom found himself looking into Matt’s blown pupils…and he frowned…there was something….

“Matt, are you high?”

Matt giggled, “Maybe.”

Dom felt panic rising; drugs and medication were a bad mix.

“What have you taken?” he said as Matt moved and sent a jolt of heat through his groin….no, he couldn’t lose it.

“Why, do you want some?” Matt said, as he reached for Dom’s shirt buttons.

“No, what did you take?” he said and pushed Matt’s hands away

Matt scowled, “Seriously, what’s your problem?”

He leant forward again and tried to kiss him, but Dom pushed him away and off him, so that Matt was standing by the bed.

Now Matt looked annoyed.

“Again, what’s your problem? You couldn’t keep your hands of me the other night.”

Dom wasn’t going to be distracted, he needed to know what Matt had taken.

“Matt, seriously, what have you taken? You on medication for Christ’s sake!”

“What do you care!?” Matt spat back, and started heading for the door.

Dom moved quickly and got in front of him.

“Out of my way,” Matt growled.

“No, tell me what you took, was it weed, shrooms. Please tell me you didn’t take something harder.”

The look that crossed Matt’s face was the one that he pulled when he felt insulted.

“You think….I would never touch…you know that. How can you even think?”

His expression changed to one of hurt, and when he spoke again he started stammering.

“Y-you know me…. I w-would never touch any chemical shit. F-F-fifteen years you’ve k-known that.”

Dom knew he’d hurt Matt, but before he could speak, Matt tapped his head and said.

“You think b-because of this I-I’ll s-start doing hard d-drugs. Well thanks for the trust.”

Dom finally managed to speak, “I didn’t mean…”

Matt spoke over him, “It was just a-a spliff, to r-relax. I wanted t-to finish what w-we started at your p-place.”

Dom didn’t stop him pushing him out of the way. As he opened the door, he said, his voice icy and with no trace of a stammer.

“You can find someone else to screw, preferably yourself.”

The door was slammed shut, but Dom wasn’t going to let Matt get away. He was out the door quickly and after Matt.

“Matt!” he called.

“Piss off!” came the reply.

“Matt...wait!”

“I said piss off!” Matt yelled.

Other hotel guests were appearing, including Chris and Tom, who were behind Matt.

“Dom, Matt, what’s going on?” Chris said.

Matt whipped round and glared at them, then turned back to Dom.

His expression was still icy, but Dom was close enough to see that his eyes were hot with anger and hurt. The next words were spat with venom.

“You know what? Screw you…screw the album….screw the gig…and screw the band…screw it all.”

He whirled round and pushed past a shocked Chris and Tom, and disappeared through the doors at the end of the corridor.

*******************

He couldn’t believe it, couldn’t believe that Dom would even think he would do something like that. He’d only smoke the spliff to get the courage to finish what he’d wanted to do back at Dom’s; before the fear of what the future might hold stole his courage. Then Dom had shattered his hopes and his heart.

He’d had enough….all he’d wanted was a lifeline, something to cling onto. Dom had been that lifeline, and Dom had cut it, with his lack of trust.

As he walked into the hotel lobby, his every ready ‘go bag’ in his hand, he dialled a number he’d had for a while.

“Hello, it’s Matthew Bellamy. I will be making that appointment. Yes, I’ll be on the next flight.”

He hurried out of the hotel, conscious that the others would come after him. He hailed a taxi.

“Airport please,” he said.

***********************

“Do you think he meant it?” Tom said as the three of them walked towards Matt’s room.

“He’s said it before, when he’s stressed,” Chris said. “He’s probably sulking in his room.”

Dom said nothing; they hadn’t been privy to the argument in his room. Hadn’t seen the hurt he’d caused.

They arrived at Matt’s room. But the door was open and they all saw that his overnight bag was gone.

“No way, he hasn’t,” Tom said.

They ran down the stairs to the reception and Chris asked.

“Has Mister Bellamy checked out?”

“Yes, he has…oh, the maid found these in the bathroom. He must have forgotten them.”

She put a small box on the desk….Matt’s medication.

“I’ll call him,” Dom said.

“No, I will,” Tom said. “He seemed pretty pissed at you.”

As Tom dialled Matt’s number, Chris rounded on Dom.

“What the hell happened, did you two have a fight?”

Tom’s short conversation with Matt stopped Dom answering.

“Where are you Matt?” What do you mean it’s none of our business? Of course it is, we’re your friends. Are you at the airport, it sounds like it.   
Are you going back to London? Matt….Matt.”

Tom looked at the pair, “He cut me off…he’s at the airport.”

“He forgot his medication,” Chris said.

“No,” Dom said quietly. “I think he left them on purpose.”

“I’m calling the police,” Chris said. “If they have to arrest the bloody idiot, then they have to arrest him.”

**********************

Matt sat in the seat he’d booked. He got a few stares, but he ignored them. It was only a short flight, but the journey ahead could be very long, or very short.

He rubbed at his temple, the headache that had started in departures now starting in earnest. He closed his eyes, and tried not to think about how a certain blond drummer had trample fifteen years of trust and twenty years of friendship under his shiny converse.


	12. Chapter 12

Matt hated waiting rooms, even expensive and well decorated ones He looked up when his name was called and he followed the nurse.

“Matthew…may I call you Matthew? I’ve read through your medical file and studied your scans, I’m afraid I have to concur with their conclusions, the procedure needs to be done.”

Matt let out a sigh, “And the side effects?”

“Nothing is a certainty. Matthew, you face a very frightening choice, and I understand your hesitation. The chance that you could, well of course, you know that. But I believe, if such a thing does occur, that with the right therapies, you would retain them.”

“And what if I wait?”

“I have no need to tell you, you have no doubt been made aware of the consequences by your other consultant, and I tend to agree.”

Matt stood and said, “Thank you for your honesty. But I can’t do this, not now…but I will. Can you make sure it goes on my file that you are going to be my surgeon, and deal with my after-care?”

“Of course, I will do it now. Matthew, have you informed your family and friends?”

“No, they have enough to deal with already.2

“I know it’s not my place to say, but you should at least tell someone you trust.”

Matt smiled and then left the clinic, no happier, and he was more confused. He walked until he found a coffee shop, ordered a latte and then sat in a corner seat, and lost himself in his thoughts. He almost laughed when the consultant had said he should talk to someone he could trust.

He’d said a lot of things in the hotel corridor; things said in anger, some not meant and others. He would never burden Chris or Tom with this, they had their families to look after. 

And now, the only person he could have confided in…trusted, had shattered that trust. He let out a sigh…as always, he was alone.

“Mister Bellamy?” a voice said, breaking his reverie. He looked up and saw two police officers.

“Mister Bellamy, there are some very worried people looking for you.”

********************

Dom’s stomach was twisted in nervous knots; they were being driven to a police station. Matthew had been found and they were on their way to pick him up.

“Do you think he’ll want to talk to us? He was pretty pissed off,” Tom said.

“He will talk, cause’ there’s something bothering him, I know it,” Chris said.

Chris looked at Dom, who shrunk under his glare.

“He seemed really pissed at you. What did you do?”

“I…..”

“Out with it, Howard,” Tom said.

He let out a sigh and it all came out.

“You stupid twat,” Chris said. “I should kick your bloody arse! You know how Matt feels about that stuff.”

“You have some serious grovelling to do,” Tom added. “If he wants to talk to you at all.”

They walked into the station and there was Matt, sitting by the radiator, looking decidedly miserable. They could see he was stressed, he was tapping out a steady rhythm on the bench he was sitting on. He was staring at his feet, so he hadn’t seen them come in.

Dom swallowed his nerves and whilst Chris and Tome talked to the desk sergeant, he approached Matt.

“Matt?”

The singer looked up and Dom could see by the twitch in his left eye, that he was a less than welcome sight.

Chris and Tom came over and Matt finally spoke, and he knew the words weren’t directed at him.

“I’m sorry, I-I didn’t m-mean what I said. I was just l-letting off steam.”

He stood and blatantly ignored Dom.

“I want t-to go home.”

“I call a taxi,” Dom said.

“No,” Matt said. “Chris, call o-one for me…I’ll be f-fine with Anna.”

“Matt…please,” Dom said.

Matt turned to him.

“Y-you don’t talk t-to me, and you c-can have this,” he said, dropping something on the floor.

Dom didn’t have to look, he knew what it was, and he knew than how much he’d hurt Matt.

Matt turned away and waked to the door, watching for the taxi.

Dom picked up the silver chain that Matt had worn on and off for the last seven years; the one he’d given him the day before their first gig at Wembley Stadium; when Matt had been fretting over everything. He remembered how his face had lit up and he’d worn it for the rest of the tour.

Now it was just a silver chain, already gone cold.

The bang of the station door told him that the taxi was here…and then Matt was gone. He felt Chris’s hand on his shoulder.

“Give him time,” he said.

******************

Matt felt like his heart was torn in tow…Dom had hurt him, and giving him back the silver chain had told him that. His hand automatically went to his neck, and he felt hot tears forming. But he had to force them back; there would be camera’s outside his house.

He blinked rapidly at the flashes of the camera’s; the tears only just being held back. He quickly paid the driver and ran inside. He slid to the floor, not caring that the glass and the floor was cold.

“Matthew?” Anna’s voice came from the kitchen.

He let out a sob and that brought her out of the kitchen.

“Matthew, sweetheart?” she said and her voice finally broke the dam, and it all poured out.

“I don’t know what to do.”

“Oh love,” Anna said from the stair she was sitting on. 2first you need to get off the floor. Come and sit in the kitchen.”

He wrapped his hands round a large mug of hot chocolate.

“What do I do, Anna?”

“Well for a start, you need to tell them about the surgery.”

He shook his head, “No, they’ll say I have to do it now. But I can’t let all those fans down.”

Anna put a hand on his arm and said, “That’s not the real reason is it?”

Het let out a heavy sigh.

“I’m scared, Anna…terrified.”

“Then you need to talk to them. They’re family…they need to know…and you have to talk to Dom.”

He shook his head, “I can’t.” 

“Matthew, I know he hurt you. Trust is a huge thing to break, but it was only because he was concerned, and you were too angry to see it. Talk to them, talk to Dominic, but in the morning.”

***********

Anna waited until Matt had gone upstairs, then she phoned Chris and Tom, asking them come to Matt’s house in the morning. Then she rang Dom, but only got his answering machine.

“Dominic, I know you’re there. I told you if you hurt Matthew you’d know about it. I know you only meant well. You have hurt him, but I think it can be fixed…you both need to talk, there’s something you need to know, and he has to tell you. Please don’t ignore this message, come round in the morning.”

**************

Dom sat in the dark, listening to Anna….was she right? Could the huge chasm that had opened between himself and Matt be breached...and what did she mean there was something he should know?

He shivered …there was something in Anna’s voice, and he once again felt the icy hand of fate reach out and touch him.


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some angst...a friendship remains in tact...and a little humour at the end.........

Matt scowled at the keyboard; the keys not giving him the joy that they normally did. He was trying to settle his nerves; but nothing was working. He wasn’t looking forward to talking to Chris and Tom.

Then there was Dom.

His hand went to his neck as he felt the ghost of the silver chain. Once it had given him so much happiness; now all it caused him was pain….no, he didn’t even want to see Dom, let alone talk to him.

The buzz of the intercom told him that they had arrived…no more time.

“Why didn’t you tell us, you idiot. Bloody brain surgery,” Chris said.

“Because you’d tell me to have it now.”

“But we won’t,” Tom said.

Matt blinked, “Why?”

“Cause’ you’ve already made your decision. You’re going to wait, aren’t you?” Chris said.

Matt nodded.

“Then we’ll stand by that,” Tom said.

“Matt, you have to talk to Dom,” Chris said.

“No.”

“Mate, you have to,” Tom said.

Matt shook his head.

The intercom buzzed again.

“Well, he’s here," Chris said.

*******************************

Dom stood at the door, his nerve was starting to fail him. What if Matt refused to even see him? He couldn’t bear it, if he did.

If Matt rejected him, he didn’t know what he would do. Would it mean the end of their friendship…the end of the band?

He didn’t care if the band split…no, he did care. But he cared more if Matt hated him. He took a deep breath and pushed the button.

It was answered by Chris.

“I don’t think he wants to see you, let alone talk to you. But he’s going to have to, because there’s something you need to know.”

He could only listen as Chris told him. 

“He’s in the music room.”

Matt didn’t even look up when he walked in; even though he knew he was there.

“Matt,” he said. “I know you don’t want to talk to me or see me. But I’m here and you’re going to have to listen.”

Matt still didn’t register his presence, but Dom was still going to say what he was going to say.

“I didn’t mean to hurt you, you know that. I know you would never touch the hard stuff, but I was worried….no, scared. Scared because of the things that can happen when you take weed and prescription drugs. And now there’s this surgery…Jesus, Matt.”

Matt suddenly stood and Dom thought he was going to try and walk past him, but he walked over to the large glass door that led out to the patio….he was going to go outside, Dom thought.

No, he wasn’t having that. Matt was not running again.

He was across the room in a couple of strides and grabbed Matt’s arm, intending only to stop him.

Matt finally looked at him, his eyes flashing with anger.

“Let go,” he hissed.

Dom shook his head.

Once again angry eyes were aimed at him.

“Let go.”

“No, you are not running again, we are going to talk.”

Matt pulled again, and Dom tightened his grip even more. His heart skipped a beat when Matt let out a hiss; he knew he must be hurting the singer. But he also knew that Matt was stubborn, so he kept the pressure on.

“We have nothing to talk about,” Matt growled, and once again tried to get out of Dom’s firm grip.

“Well, I’m not letting go until we do.”

Matt’s eyes suddenly narrowed, and his face took on that expression that Dom knew so well; something spiteful was about to be spat at him.

“So, is this how it’s going to be, is it? I don’t want to do something and you’re using force to make me. Do I have to call the police?”

Dom flinched at that and he lessened his grip, but still didn’t let go; he knew the game that Matt was playing. He put his free hand in his pocket and took out his mobile. He held it out to Matt.

“Go on then, let’s have a nice headline for the papers…they’re baying for something juicy.”

Matt looked at the phone, then back at Dom…were there tears misting those angry eyes?

“Please…I can’t,” Matt said, the angry edge gone from his voice.

“You have every right to hate me,” Dom said.

There was a vehement shake of a head.

“I don’t hate you…Christ…I don’t know what I feel.”

Dom felt the tension go from Matt’s arm and he pulled him towards him, hands now wrapping him in a protective grip.

“Of course you don’t…there’s a ton of shit going on. I bet you don’t know up from down.”

There was a nod of a head and he felt the sigh against his chest. He didn’t need a verbal apology from Matt, that sigh told him everything.

“But you know, you’re not alone in this. You have Chris, Tom, Morgan even, and the rest of the crew. And you have me,” he said softly. “If you want me, as a friend, that is?”

“Yeah.”

“And what about…?” Dom asked, fearing what the answer might be.

“I don’t know…can we still be friends…for now.”

Dom’s heart sank a little…but he could live with that. He may not have Matt’s heart, but at least their friendship had survived; the other could wait, and perhaps in time, it would blossom again.

“Of course we can be friends, who else is going look after your skinny arse. Will you wear this again?”

He took the silver chain from his pocket.

“Just as a gift, nothing else attached.”

Matt looked at the chain, as sunlight caught it.

“Yeah,” he said and took the chain and placed it around his neck.

“Well, I dunno about you, but I’m bloody starving, and I can smell pancakes.”

That elicited a short laugh from Matt and Dom knew the worst of the storm had passed over.

******************

Chris and Tom looked up when they walked into the kitchen.

“No black eyes, broken noses...no teeth marks in Dom’s ankles,” Chris said. “You owe me twenty quid, Kirky.”

Dom narrowed his eyes, “You bet on whether we would be scrapping?”

“Yeah, Kirky won last time, remember?”

Dom’s ankle itched suddenly…Matt may not win with his fists, but bloody hell, he was a biter.

“Yeah...well, this time, we didn’t.”

Then Matt’s voice piped up and it broke the slight tension.

“Shame, could do with a laugh…those nurses said they didn’t stop laughing all shift. What was it they put on your records? A pint size front man bit you cause’ you said he played piano like his grandmother?”

The laughter that pealed through the house made Anna, who was busy elsewhere stop and smile. It was good to hear the laughter...she could only hope that it would continue…for Matthew and the other’s sake.


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things aren't getting any better..........

Time seemed to be passing quickly and they were now in the midst of rehearsals for the gig. 

Not that the time in between had been stress free.

Those photographs of a distressed and injured Matt had been plastered across the less quality Sunday newspapers, including the one of an angry Chris reaching for the camera. It wasn’t the photos alone that angered Chris and Dom, it was the headlines; turning Matt’s condition into a freak show.

The decision was taken, along with their solicitor’s to sue the photographer under the new laws about privacy.

Of course the photographer didn’t see it that way, and it had ended up in court; which meant the Matt had to stand in the witness box. They   
had won the case, but it had stressed Matt to the point that he was struck down by a headache that lasted three days.

Thankfully the press had seen some sense and had given them breathing space, and they only agreed to speak to the reporters they knew they could trust.

They had rented out a rehearsal space just outside London, one that was behind gates and gave them privacy.

It going great guns, until in the middle of the riff in Futurism, Matt stopped, for no apparent reason.

“Matt you okay, not getting a headache?” Chris asked.

Matt looked up, a frown on his face.

“Yeah, Futurism next, okay?”

With that Matt went back to his guitar, seeming not to realise that they were already halfway through it.

Chris and Dom said nothing, thinking that Matt had just made a mistake. The rest of the rehearsal went well, and they thought no more of it.

***************

Matt was once again sitting in a consultant’s room. He knew something new was happening with his condition and it worried him more than the surgery. He hoped he’d hid it from his friends, but he didn’t know how long he could. It was only three weeks to the gig.

He’d had to endure a thorough medical, including an ECG and an EKG.

“Matthew, how long have you been having these periods of losing time and forgetfulness?”

“A couple of weeks, why?”

“Matthew, these new symptoms tell me that the constriction may be increasing, and that means the risk has increased. Once again I strongly suggest that you don’t delay surgery.”

Matt shook his head, “No, it will have to wait.”

“Have you discussed this with your family and friends?”

Matt shifted in his chair.

“Matthew, have you told them everything?”

“No,” he replied quietly. “I can’t…this gig is too important. As long as I can get through that, I’ll be happy. If I go after that, I’ll be happy.”

The consultant narrowed his eyes and said, “Is that really true?”

Matt said nothing, as he knew there was so much more he wanted to do…all that music still in his head.

And then there was his feelings about Dom.

He thanked the consultant and made one concession, that the consultant should be backstage. 

He walked out of the clinic, then…how the hell had he gotten here, and it was bloody night. 

He could feel the beginnings of a headache, and of course, being the stubborn idiot he could be, he’d not taken his pain-killers with him.

A small voice told him that he should phone someone, but his brain refused to co-operate. 

Another stab of pain made him feel light-headed and now he felt nauseous. He looked round for somewhere to sit, but the nearest thing was….he said a silent apology and sat down, willing the pain, the dizziness and the sick feeling in his stomach to go away.

Again that voice was saying he really should ring someone. He searched his pockets with a shaking hand and found his phone….why were there so many numbers?

Another stab of pain and the screen began to blur, but he could just about make out the name of the person he wanted to ring.

When he got an engaged tone, he scowled. He dropped his head between his knees, the pain wasn’t going away. If his head didn’t hurt so much, he’d see the irony as to where he was and his situation…but all he’d wanted was for that someone to have answered his call.

*********************

Dom had just stepped out of the shower, feeling slightly more relaxed. He’d been called in by the label, well, the suits, behind Matt’s back again, and he knew exactly why. The glorified accountants wanted to know how their ‘cash cow’ was getting on with the album. There was no ‘how is he and we’ll be there after he’s had his surgery’. No, it was all about the money.

No wonder Matt hated the suits.

He’d call Chris in a while and tell him what the bastards had said. He was just preparing supper when his mobile rung.

It was Matt’s home number, but it wasn’t Matt that spoke; it was Anna.

“Dominic, is Matthew there?”

A twinge of worry ran through him.

“No, is there a problem, Anna?”

She sounded worried; which wasn’t a good sign.

“He’s supposed to be back by now. He was only going to the consultants. Just a pre-op appointment. But that was at two o’clock. I didn’t think much of it, you know what he’s like. But it’s been six hours now, so I thought he was with you. I’m worried, it’s late and it’s dark, and I don’t have his mobile number. Dominic…what if something’s happened to him?”

“Anna, I’ll call him, he’s probably just got distracted, the little bleeder. Don’t worry.”

As he said the words, he knew he was just saying that to stop her worrying. Matt hadn’t done this sort of thing since the Absolution days. He quickly dialed Matt’s number and was thankful to hear Matt’s voice…but it didn’t sound right; it sounded distant.

“Dom, is that you?”

Dom didn’t like this. His voice sounded so faint; it sounded like he was in pain.

“Matt, are you okay?”

“Sorry…headache.”

So not good.

“Where are you?”

“A cemetery.”

He rolled his eyes…that helped.

“What cemetery, Matt?”

“A big one.”

Dom was fighting down his panic, Matt sounded so confused.

“Matt, what’s the name?” he said, more forcibly than he wanted to, but he had to get through the fog of his confusion.

“I think…yes…yes...Highgate.”

Christ, that was the other side of the city, and it was huge.

“Which side?”

“Dom…shouldn’t we be on stage...Jesus, this stadium is huge.”

Dom frowned…what the hell?

“Matt, don’t move, I’m coming, okay.”

“Nah, I need to get my guitar…see you on stage.”

With that the phone went dead…shit…shit. He really didn’t have a choice, so he dialed 999.


	15. Chapter 15

Dom virtually leapt out of the taxi. He could see the police car, along with Chris, waiting at the gates of the cemetery.

“Mister Howard,” one of the officers said. “We think Mister Bellamy is still inside. The other gates are locked and neither we nor Mister Wolstenholme have seen him on our way here. I’m assuming you haven’t either?”

Dom shook his head.

“Then PC Johnson will go with you and I will wait here, just in case Mister Bellamy gets past you.”

Dom nodded and Chris fell in next to him as they walked through the gates.

“This isn’t good, is it?” he said.

“No, it’s not. He sounded so confused, he thought he was at some gig.”

“Jesus,” Chris said.

“I suggest you call out, just in case he’s within ear-shot,” the officer said.

“Matt!” Dom called, hoping that the singer was nearby.

But ten minutes later, they were still searching.

“He could be in the other section,” the officer said.

They were just about to move across, when a noise caught Chris’s attention. He turned and walked between two large memorial stones, and   
out of Dom and the officer’s sight.

Seconds later they heard him.

“Over here…and call an ambulance!”

********************

“Mister Bellamy, please leave the cannula alone,” the nurse said as she reapplied the tape. “Once this has run through, you can go home, but not if you pull this out.”

Matt gave her one of his ‘sceptical’ looks, which she ignored.

He gave her another look when she produced a thermometer, but once again she ignored it and rolled the device across his forehead.

“Can I at least have a cup of tea?” he asked.

“Yes…the more fluids you take, the better.”

“Can I see my friends now?”

“I’ll let them know they can come in,” she said as she wrote on his chart.

Once she had gone, he let out a sigh. He really had no idea as to how he’d got here. Had he suffered another episode?

He must have done, because the last thing he remembered was being in the consultant’s office.

Had he passed out or wandered into A&E again; he didn’t know. But he knew he couldn’t keep these ‘episodes’ quiet anymore…Chris and Dom would no doubt know by now.

He could tell by their faces that they did know, and he couldn’t blame them for being angry.

“Why didn’t you tell us, bloody idiot,” Dom said. “You scared the shit out of me and Anna.”

He looked down at his hands…what could he say?

“I-I didn’t want t-to worry you.”

“Well, you did,” Chris said. “You know you can tell us.”

“No, y-you have enough to w-worry about.”

“Matt, we’ve been friends, more than friends for twenty years. How much shit have we been through together?” Dom said.

Chris stood and said, “The nurse said you can drink now. I’ll go and get us something hot, yeah?”

“Thanks.”

*****************

Dom waited until Chris was gone before taking Matt’s hand.

“You scared the hell out of me…you could have wandered in front of a bloody bus….I couldn’t…”

He stopped when he saw tears forming in Matt’s eyes.

“I’m sorry,” Matt whispered.

“Stubborn idiot,” Dom said back and put the hand he was holding against his cheek. He smiled when Matt eyes closed at the contact.

“Please don’t hide something like this again.”

He didn’t say anything when Matt didn’t reply; he assumed he was tired.

“We’ll get you home, then you can sleep, yeah? We don’t need to rehearse anymore...okay?”

Matt nodded and let out a sigh.

“Dom…I….”

He was interrupted by Chris with tea and a chocolate bar for Matt, and the conversation turned to trivial things; neither of them thinking that   
Matt’s silence was anything but exhaustion.

*****************

They found a swathe of press waiting for them outside…of course, they probably monitored the police band.

They were waiting for Tom to pick them up, and it wasn’t easy ignoring the shouted questions.

Dom could see that Matt was beginning to react to their shouts and he tried to pull Matt away…too late.

The worst of his vocabulary was aimed at them and Chris eventually dragged him back into the A&E reception, until Tom arrived, letting Dom fend off the press.

When Tom finally arrived, they bundled a still angry Matt into the car. He still hadn’t calmed down by the time they got to his house.

“Bloody hell, enough already!” Chris yelled, and that stopped Matt mid-rant.

It seemed to take all of the energy out of him and he went from angry to tired and listless; which worried them more than the anger.

*******************

Dom guided him upstairs and managed to get Matt onto the bed. He started to move to the door, when Matt said.

“Don’t go…please.”

Dom sighed and went to sit on the chair.

“No…here,” Matt said, his voice now heavy with sleep.

Dom hesitated, unsure of what to do.

“Please,” Matt said again, how could he refuse that voice and those sleepy blue pools?

He toed off his shoes and lay next to Matt, who immediately shifted over and laid his head on Dom’s chest. He couldn’t stop the hitch in his breath when Matt said.

“S’nice Dommy.”

He smiled, Matt hadn’t used that version of his name in years…their late teen to be precise. But was he saying it in the here and now, or had he slipped back again.

“Matt?”

“Hmm?”

“You do know you’re at home?”

“Course.”

He smiled again, the sleepy affirmation warming his heart.

Ten minutes later, the door opened and Chris put his head round the corner of it and mouthed ‘okay?’

Dom nodded and mouthed back, ‘sleeping.’

Chris smiled and closed the door. 

Dom pulled Matt closer. This may not mean anything, but he liked it.

*********************

Matt woke with a small start, and for a few moments he felt disorientated…where was he? Of course, he was at home and in bed…with Dom?

He panicked for a few seconds, then realized he was fully clothed. If he survived the next few weeks and the surgery, he would bite the bullet again and go beyond ‘just friends’ again.

He shifted slightly and felt Dom’s arm tighten, then mumble.

“Stay still, Bells.”

Like he was moving, and he let sleep take him again.

*******************

Dom woke when he heard tapping at the door. He looked at Matt, but he was still sleeping. He carefully extricated himself and padded over to the door.

It was Chris.

“He still asleep?” he said quietly.

“Yeah.”

“Go and freshen up and have some breakfast. He’ll be okay.”

They sat at the kitchen table, but Dom kept looking at the doorway.

“Dominic,” Anna said, as she placed more toast on the table. “He’ll be okay. We can’t smother him, or he’ll run again.”

“Yeah, chill Dom,” Chris said. “It’s only two weeks to the gig. He goes in for surgery two days after that, and we’ll have our hands full with the press and the fans when they find out.”

“I don’t understand why he won’t let anyone know until they wheel him out of the theatre.”

“Because I don’t want it become a circus.”

Matt moved into the kitchen and sat down taking a piece of toast.

“My family, which includes you are going to be there. I don’t want the hospital over-run with press. If I survive…and don’t give me that look…  
if I come out again, then we can go from there.”

“Matt, don’t talk like you might….” Dom couldn’t even say the word.

Matt leant forward, and Dom had never seen his eyes so intense.

“Dom, this isn’t like having a toe-nail removed. I don’t want to discuss it anymore. I want the four of us to do things together, like we used to.”

******************

Hamley’s Toy Store didn’t really know what hit it. Normally four people entering the store wouldn’t be a problem. But when three of them were members of one of the biggest bands in the world; they weren’t sure what to do.

But Tom had a quiet word, and they were told it was not going to be a publicity stunt for them.

Of course they were recognised, but they didn’t mind.

After a while, Chris and Tom made some excuse about finding something for their kids and left Dom alone with Matt.

They stood looking at the robotic toys.

“That one looks like Charles,” Matt said.

Dom smiled, only Matt could get this excited at being in a toy shop; he was thirty-six going on six after all.

“Why don’t you buy it?”

“Nah, too old for that kind of thing.” Matt replied.

“Stop right there. Who are you and what have you done with the real Matt?”

Matt just smiled and moved on, and Dom swore he would go back and buy that robot.

They spent another hour wandering around the store, and Matt insisted on building a fort out of the Lego that was on display; despite getting odd looks from other shoppers….but Dom didn’t care, not even when he was joined by a gaggle of kids and Bellamy created chaos reigned.

Ten minutes later all four were asked politely to leave, but who cared; it had been fun.

****************

Now Matt was standing in the wings, waiting for his cue. He could see Chris and Dom already in their positions. They were just silhouettes against the large screens, as images flickered across them.

So many memories….good times.

Then the spotlight fell on Chris and he began ‘Man With An Harmonica.’

He let out a breath and walked out and straight towards that amp. Then the time seemed to fly, until he started to sing ‘Absolution.’

At first it felt like a twitch in his right arm. He ignored it, think it was just nerves. It went away and he moved to the piano and began the slower songs.

He was three-quarters of a way through ‘Feelin’ Good’ when a sharp pain went through the same arm….he faltered slightly.

The crowd didn’t notice, but he saw Chris and Dom glance at him; they’d noticed, they would.

They only had one more song to do…..he stood and a wave of dizziness accompanied another pain…no…not now.

He forced the pain and the dizziness down…just one more song.

He moved to the mike and began the intro to ‘Stockholm Syndrome.’ He was half-way through the first verse when he felt something wet against his lip. He thought it was sweat and quickly licked it away…wait, that didn’t taste like sweat…that was.

Blinding pain suddenly went through his head and his arm and then his legs went from under him, and the last thing he heard was Dom screaming his name.


	16. Chapter 16

Dom watched the crowd, he couldn’t see the images that were flickering across the large screens, but the sounds of appreciation from the crowd told him it must be good.

He glanced over at the wings and saw Matt, waiting for his cue.

Matt looked nervous, and he had every right to be. This was make or break…could Matt stand and sing in front of a crowd?

He watched Jason his guitar tech place his beloved Delorean over his shoulder. Matt had brought it out of ‘retirement’ just for this concert. 

He saw Matt stroke it lovingly, and he actually felt jealous of the instrument.

The stage darkened and the spotlight fell on Chris, but Dom kept his eyes on Matt as he walked onto the stage and straight for that amp.

The crowd roared when the spotlight hit Matt and he playfully spun the silver box. Dom tensed as Matt walked towards the mike…then Matt hit the first vocal on ‘Knights’ and he knew it would be alright.

It was going well, Matt was on fire, whipping the crowd into a frenzy, hitting every note and riff perfectly…taunting the crowd by falling to his knees right at the front of the stage.

It was during ‘Absolution’ that he noticed Matt’s performance seemed a little off…perhaps he was getting tired?

He turned his attention back to his drums and the concert rolled on.

It was during ‘Feeling Good’ that it happened…Matt actually faltered on a line that he knew inside out.

Dom looked over at Chris; he’d noticed too, and they both looked at Matt.

Was Matt starting to struggle? At least they only had one song to go.

He was into the heavy riff when he heard the crowd roar. Matt must have pulled off some crazy stunt. Then the roar turned to a collective  
gasp…then there were screams…but they didn’t sound like screams of excitement.

He glanced over, Matt was sinking to his knees…but why those reactions…then he saw something….it was blood, blood on his guitar.

Then Matt slumped forward.

“Matt!!!”

************************

The silence was awful as the crowd watched in stunned silence at what was unfolding in front of them.

One minute Matt Bellamy had been belting out a riff, the next he was on the stage floor, surrounded by the rest of the band and the stage crew.

Then the murmur began…was he dead and if it was at all possible the silence became even more awful.

But the band wasn’t paying attention to the crowd; their eyes were on their stricken friend and the doctor that was attending to him.

“Call for the air ambulance,” the doctor said.

******************

How did the doctor stay so calm, Dom thought? He was fighting back the panic at the sight of the blood…blood on the guitar…blood on Matt’s clothes, his face and still coming from his nose.

He wanted to throw up, but fought it back. He could hear Chris telling Dom A to clear the arena.

“Where’s that bloody helicopter!?” Dom snapped.

“Mister Howard, I need you to stay calm and talk to Matthew,” the doctor said. “He can probably still hear us.”

“C-can I hold him?”

He looked at the doctor, who after a few moments nodded.

“Just make sure you support his head.”

Dom gently pulled Matt into his arms and cradled his head against his chest, ignoring the blood that dripped onto his arm.

Someone wiped the blood from Matt’s nose; it looked like Chris’s hand.

“Matt, I’m here, so is Chris and Tom….Morgan as well. You just hold on, yeah, the ambulance is coming.”

He felt Matt move…no, not move, jerk.

“He’s fitting,” someone said and Matt was taken from his arms.

Then it was a fuzzy whirl of orange and green as the paramedics arrived…then Matt was gone.

****************

The drive to the hospital was torturously slow, even though they had a police escort. By the time they got to the hospital Matt was already in Resuss, and they were shown to the relative’s waiting room.

They looked up when the door opened; it was Tom.

“Marilyn and Paul are on their way…but I don’t know how long it’ll take them.”

“What about his dad?” Chris said.

“I-I don’t have his number. I kept asking Matt for it,but he never gave it to me.” 

“Perhaps Marilyn has it,” Chris said. “He can’t find out about this on the news.”

“Oh god, the press…I’ll ring Dom A.” 

“No,” Chris said. “He can handle it, him and the label. Dom, are you okay?”

Dom suddenly stood and made for the door, they didn’t stop him.

“Shall I go after him?” Morgan said.

“Leave him, I think he’s been holding that since the arena,” Chris said.

“You don’t look to hot yourself,” Tom said. “I feel like throwing too. I just wish they’d let us know what’s happening.”

“They will, when they’re ready, I guess,” Morgan said. “Do you think it was something to do with his injury?”

Chris shook his head, “God knows…Matt kept things from us…bloody git.”

“What if it was blood clot or a haemorrhage……what if he….” Tom trailed off.

“Well, I’m not thinking like that. He’s too bloody stubborn to go and die on us,” Chris said.

They fell in to silence then until Dom came back.

“You okay?” Chris asked.

Dom nodded…but Chris knew he wasn’t; none of them were.

*******************

They fell into silence again, their thoughts and feelings robbing them of speech. What seemed an eternity later, the door opened.

The person introduced himself as one the registrars that worked with Matt’s consultant.

“How is he?” Dom asked.

“He’s stable, we’re prepping him for surgery. Are Mister Bellamy’s family on their way?”

“Yes….is something else wrong?” Chris said.

“I’ll explain in a moment, it’s just that we need family members to be present, just in case a decision has to be made.”

Dom felt a surge of fear, “What do you mean a decision?”

The registrar frowned.

“Are you not aware of Mister Bellamy’s medical condition?”

“Of course, but this is new…right?”

“Then he didn’t tell you, this is awkward.”

“Doctor, what’s wrong with Matt?” Dom asked, fearing the answer.

The registrar took a breath before speaking.

“We have to remove a fragment of bone that is lodge against the Anterior Cerebral Artery."

“What….how did that…?” Tom said.

“Mister Harrington believes that when Mister Bellamy collided with the hull of the yacht, it caused a small fracture. It probably went undetected and caused Mister Bellamy no problems. But when he was struck by the car, it must have splintered and a fragment lodged against the artery. It would have caused a constriction, and no doubt caused his headaches and it could well be contributing to his condition.”

“So, you remove this fragment and he won’t have the problems anymore?” Chris asked.

“Unfortunately, the damage that has been done will be permanent, but our main concern is his current condition.”

“So, he has had a hemorrhage,” Dom said in a near whisper.

“As near as, we need to relieve the constriction by removing the fragment. However, it comes with its own risks…hence the need for his  
family to be present.”

“What?” they said together.

“The fragment is small, but to leave it in would most certainly be fatal to Mister Bellamy. But there’s the risk that he could suffer a full hemorrhage, or a stroke during surgery.”

“He could die?” Dom said…fear making his voice almost silent.

“There is a risk of death, but Mister Bellamy knew the risks. I am surprised that he didn’t inform you. I have to go now, but you’re welcome to wait in the critical care ward. Let me assure you, Mister Harrington is one of the best neurosurgeons in the world, Mister Bellamy is in the best hands.”

With that the registrar was gone, leaving them to digest the news. 

*********************

Tom’s phone rang again and whatever he was hearing wasn’t good news.

“What…already….Jesus Christ. No, we’re not going anywhere…he’s just gone into surgery. I can’t say yet…yeah, they’re driving up….they did, that’s good. No, just tell them he’s undergoing emergency surgery….yeah, will do…bye.”

The others looked at him.

“That was Dom A, the press are all over this. He says it’s like a three-ringed circus outside the hospital.”

There was a TV in the room they had moved to, so Morgan flicked the channels until he found a news channel.

“The singer collapsed whilst performing the final song …we can go over to our reporter outside the hospital where Matthew Bellamy is being treated.”

They flinched when a grainy clip of Matt falling to his knees and blood pouring from his nose flashed up on the screen, then it went to the reporter.

“Matthew Bellamy’s condition is unknown, but in a short statement read by the band’s representative we were told that he is undergoing emergency surgery, It’s not know if this is connected in any way to Matthew’s existing condition, and the spokesman is asking that the members of the press and fan of the band respect the privacy of the staff and patients at this hospital. He also said that when there is any new, they would let everyone know."

“Turn it off,” Chris said.

Eventually Matt’s mother and brother arrived, thankfully avoiding the scrum at the main entrance, and sometime later his father arrived.

They didn’t know George as well as they did Marilyn and Paul, but now was not a time for introduction. 

All they could do was sit and wait…wait to see if their son, brother and friend would leave the operating theatre alive.


	17. Chapter 17

It seemed like an eternity before the door opened and Matt’s consultant entered.  
“Mister and Mrs Bellamy, may I have a word in private?”  
“You can say it in front of everyone, they’re family,” Marilyn said.  
“Matthew is out of surgery and we successfully removed the bone fragment.”  
“How is he?” Dom asked.  
“He’s still in recovery and will be for some time. Then he will transferred to Critical Care. I suggest you go home and get some rest. There are no visiting time restrictions, just report to the reception desk as Critical Care is a secure unit. I have to go back to my patient.”  
“Will he be okay?” Paul asked.  
“Neurosurgery is a delicate and risky procedure, and to perform it as an emergency procedure, even more so. We’ve put Matthew in an induced coma, to aid the healing process, so until we bring him out of it and he regains consciousness, we won’t know if there has been further damage.”  
The consultant left then, leaving everyone in the room feeling no better than eight hours ago.  
“We can stay at Matt’s house,” Dom said.  
They had to run the gauntlet of the press and speak to some of the fans that had been waiting outside the hospital, and they were thankful for the police presence, and that the paparazzi had been cleared from in front of Matt’s house.  
Anna was a godsend and soon everyone was settled and trying to get some rest.  
**************************  
Dom wanted to sleep, but every time he closed his eyes, the image of Matt and blood filled his head. All he really wanted was to be back at the hospital, and sitting by Matt’s bed.  
He wanted to be the first person Matt saw when he woke up; he wanted to care for Matt, whatever it meant he had to do. He loved Matt, even if Matt might never love him back.  
He gave up on sleeping and went down to the kitchen, and found Matt’s mother already there.  
“Couldn’t sleep?” she said.  
Dom shook his head and sat at the table.  
“I just want to be with Matt.”  
“We all do, but there was nothing we could do, and we’re all tired.”  
“But what if he wakes up and there’s no-one there that he knows. He’ll panic, he can’t deal with strangers anymore.”  
“Dominic, I don’t think he’s going to be awake for some time. But if you want to go, go.”  
“But it should be you and George.”  
“Dominic, Matthew sees more of you, Chris and Tom than he does me, and he hasn’t seen his father in years. But more than that, I think it will be you he will want to see.”  
Dom frowned at that statement.  
“Anna and I had a nice little chat…mother’s talk to each other.”  
“Then you know.”  
“Most of it, and it wasn’t all your fault. My son can be easily hurt, but he can also be a stubborn little so and so.”  
“You don’t seem surprised.”  
“Dominic, you and Matthew have always been close, it all makes sense really. It’s just taken you all this time to realise it.”  
“Yeah, but now…”  
“Dominic, Matthew may have change in some ways, since the accident, but not when it comes to his heart. Matthew knows what he wants and that will never change. Now, go on, I’ll tell the others when they get up.”  
******************  
Dom didn’t hesitate and made it to the hospital in record time. The person at the reception desk called the staff nurse, who came out to greet him.  
“Mister Howard, it’s a little early, but never mind. Matthew is this way,” she said. “Just to forewarn you, he will have a lot of tubes and wires attached, and he is intubated. There is a lot of bruising and of course bandaging. It can look quite alarming, but he’s not in pain.”  
Dom nodded, but he still wasn’t prepared for the sight.  
The singer looked even smaller and even paler. He looked like something out of those medical dramas Matt watched whilst on tour. If it wasn’t for the beeping of the heart monitor, and the oddly melodic tone of the machine that was keeping Matt breathing, he would have thought Matt was dead.  
“I know it looks awful, but the induced coma means his pain level is virtually non-existent. But I encourage you to talk to him, he might just hear you.”  
Dom pulled a chair up to the bed. He took Matt’s hand and squeezed it tight.  
“Well, that’s one way of ending a gig, but your usual cheesy guitars moves would have been better. You do know you’ve caused a bloody riot, half the world’s press is camped outside the hospital, not to mention the fans. Tom says the message board is having a meltdown… you always were a bloody attention junkie.”  
He ran a thumb over the top of Matt’s hand. It was a small gesture, but it was something he’d done countless times over the years, when Matt was racked with indecision, or just the stress of life. But he knew that even now, Matt could probably feel it.  
“Now you’ve got to get better, because we never finished that dinner date, did we? Do you remember New York, that restaurant, that one overlooking the bay? You wanted to go there, but we never got the time. Well, that’s where I’ll be taking you on our next date.”  
The nurse returned and she was carrying a tray.  
“We have to see to Matthew now.”  
“Okay,” he said.  
“I’ll give you a minute,” she said.  
He waited until she was gone before leaning over and kissing Matt on the forehead.  
“I’ll come back later, we all will.”  
He never registered the twitch of Matt’s left hand and he turned away, and was about to walk out of the Unit when one of the nurses stopped him.  
“I thought you’d like to take this, for safe keeping.”  
She handed him a small plastic bag; it contained the silver chain.  
“Thank you,” he said.  
She smiled, “He will get better. He survived this long with that fragment in his head. I think he’s a fighter.”  
Oh you have no idea, Dominic thought. He thanked her again and walked out of the Unit.  
He stopped and took out the chain and placed it round his neck; he would wear it until he could put back round Matt’s neck and tell him how much he loved him.


	18. Chapter 18

He’d been hearing muffled voices for some time, but they were indistinct and he wasn’t particularly bothered that he didn’t understand them. 

He was quite happy where he was, thank you very much. No-one bothered him, no questions about when the album was going to be ready…are you going to tour…what do you think about the latest political crisis?

No, he liked it here, he would stay here.

*********************

“So, it’s not Locked-in Syndrome?”

“Definitely not. I think Matthew has withdrawn into himself…for his own protection. Having read his files, I can see why. It’s been quite a traumatic year and no doubt the stress of recent events and his medical condition have only exasperated it. To Matthew wherever he is, it seems a better place.”

“But it’s been ten days, we can only drip feed him for so long, then he’ll start deteriorating.”

“The family have tried getting through to him?”

“Yes, there’s been someone here every day, just talking to him.”

“I need to talk to them.”

*****************

Dom had been so hopeful when the doctor’s had said they were going to bring Matt out of the induced coma. He wanted Matt back in the land of the conscious; he needed to tell him that he loved him.

He was now trying to understand what the doctor in front of him was saying…that Matthew was still unconscious and they didn’t know why, and that some expert was flying in from LA to examine him.

Dom had sat at Matt’s bedside and just as the doctor had instructed he’d talked about anything and everything whilst holding Matt’s hand. 

He’d heard the doctor mention something about ‘locked in syndrome’ and he’d looked it up; it had terrified him, that couldn’t happen, not to someone who had as much joy in life as Matthew Bellamy.

He’d gone for a walk after Chris had all but used his ‘stern dad’ voice to go and get some fresh air, but had been back ten minutes later.

Matt’s parents and brother had gone home; they still had lives and they had decided that the band and Tom were just like family, so they could stay in their place. Kelly had turned up with the kids in tow, after they had cried for days to see ‘uncle Matt’, but even their pleas for him to wake up and play ‘king of the castle’ had fallen on deaf ears.

“C’mon sweetheart,” he said, once again repeating that small gesture of rubbing his thumb across Matt’s hand. “This is getting stupid now. It can’t be that good wherever you are...and you’re starting to lose weight. Please…don’t do this to your family, to Chris…to Tom, and to me.   
I’ve waited way too long to tell you how I feel, I don’t want to lose you before I even get chance to show you how much I love.”

He was interrupted by the nurse and he had to leave, as the expert had arrived.

Now he was sat with Chris and Tom, trying to make sense of what this ‘expert’ was saying…Matt didn’t want to wake up; this was bullshit.

“So, you’re telling us that he’d rather be in some place his mind is making up than out here with us?” Chris said.

“That’s my opinion, and it is my specialty. But as you have already been told, it can’t be allowed to continue, as it is beginning to be detrimental to Matthew’s physical well-being. You have tried coaxing him by talking and carrying on a normal conversation, but with no results, so, I am beginning to think that it needs someone who he is familiar with but doesn’t necessarily have the emotional connection he has with you. Is there someone in his recent past that you know fits this bill?”

The trio looked at each other and said it at the same time.

“Rachel.”

************************

Rachel pegged the last piece of linen on the line, thankful for finally getting a good drying day. 

She stopped for a second when she heard an engine; it sounded like Robert’s vehicle.

“Rach!”

It was Robert.

“Over here!” she called.

Robert appeared from under one of the sheets.

“Rach, you need to come with me…now.”

“Robert, I’m busy.”

“No, you really need to come with me now.”

She sighed and nodded…not sure what this was all about. She frowned as Robert drove towards the island’s only jetty.

She frowned again when she saw the Coast Guard’s boat.

Then someone she thought she would never see again appeared…Dominic Howard. She smiled, expecting to see Matthew, but it seemed   
there was only Dominic. An uneasy feeling washed over her…something felt very wrong.

********************

Rachel hated hospitals, they reminded her of her brother and her heart actually dropped when she saw the small figure in the bed…dear lord, he was so like Michael.

She couldn’t really take in what Dominic had said, but she hadn’t hesitated in going with him, and was glad that Robert had insisted on coming along.

She’d only known Matt…well James as she knew him for six months, but to her he was so much like Michael that she saw him as a brother.

She sat down and took a pale, fragile looking hand and sighed.

“What are you doing…hmm? Scaring everyone with this silly whatever it is. I mean, how are you going to visit me if you’re stuck here? So   
come on, it can’t be that great in there? What do you say, I want you to play and sing for me, James.”

She smiled sadly; there was nothing. She looked up at an expectant Dom and Chris.

“I’m sorry…”

She suddenly looked down at her hand…was that? Yes…there had been the slightest of squeezes. She looked back up at the others and there   
was the beginnings of tears in her eyes.

“I think………..”

Then a small voice, almost inaudible said.

“Rachel?”


	19. Chapter 19

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Is it all good now.....sorry but no.

“Rachel?”

That word was like a beacon to Dom, but the next words were like balm on an open wound.

“Where’s Dom?”

“He’s here, sweetheart,” Rachel said and moved aside for Dom.

He sat down and took Matt’s hand and squeezed it gently. His eyes misted with tears when Matt’s eyes opened.

“Hey,” he said.

There was a flash of cerulean before they closed again.

“Matt?” he said and was relieved when Matt’s eyes opened again, but they looked pained and unfocused.

“Hurts Dom,” Matt said, his voice way too quiet.

“I’ll get a nurse,” Tom said.

Dom squeezed Matt’s hand again and he only let go when the nurse arrived.

“Hello Matthew,” she said, “Open your eyes for me..that’s it. Can you tell me where the pain is?”

Dom could see it was an effort for Matt to speak.

“Head.”

“You had an operation on your brain,” she said.

“Brain?”

Dom could see the confusion on Matt’s face.

“I’ll go and talk to the doctor about his pain relief.”

“Dom?” Matt said; he sounded tired.

“Ssh,” Dom said.

“Am tired,” Matt said and closed his eyes.

Dom looked over at Rachel; he would love that woman forever. She’d brought Matt back to him.

“Thank you,” he said.

Rachel smiled, “I’m glad I could help.”

The nurse came back with what she called a pusher, to give Matt a constant but low dosage of morphine.

“It’s just enough to take the edge off the pain, but not make him sleepy. We need to monitor him for the next twenty-four hours. Try and keep him awake,” she said as she attached   
the pusher to a cannula and placed the pusher under a pillow.

She then touched Matt’s hand.

“Matthew...”

“He likes Matt,” Dom said.

She smiled and said, “Matt, open your eyes for me…there you are. Do you know where you are?”

Dom watched the V form on the bridge of Matt’s nose, a sure sign that Matt was concentrating hard.

“Hospital.”

“That’s right, and who is that?” she pointed at Dom.

“Dom.”

“That’s right, are you going to stay with us for a little while?”

“Tired.”

“I know, but stay awake, just for a little while.”

“Wanna sleep.”

The nurse looked at Dom, who moved forward.

“Hey, sleepy head,” he said softly and smiled when Matt’s eyes opened again. “You’ve got company, where’s your manners?”

“Company……s’just you Dom…lemme sleep.”

“Matt, that’s not polite, Chris, Tom and Rachel are here.”

“But I’m tired,” Matt whined.

“Sorry, but you have to stay with us,” Dom said.

“No,” Matt said and closed his eyes.

“Matt,” Dom said more sharply, and when Matt’s eyes opened again, his heart sank as he saw hurt in them.

“You hate me,” Matt said.

“No I don’t, you just have to stay awake.”

He looked at the nurse, who was hovering just out of Matt’s eye line.

“Sorry,” she mouthed and shook her head.

“Sleep later,” Dom said and looked at the others for help.

**********************

Chris stepped forward, “Dom, why don’t you take Rachel and Robert and drive them to Matt’s apartment. Use the band’s credit card to buy anything they need. I’ll stay with Matt, I’ll make sure he stays awake.”

Chris waited until Tom had virtually dragged Dom away and he turned to face Matt.

“Now, you just open your eyes,” he said, using his ‘do as your father tells you’ voice. It was one he knew Matt always reacted to, especially when he was on the verge or in the depths of a major Bellamy ‘strop’.

Matt’s eyes opened and widened just as Chris knew they would.

“That’s better, I’m not going to pussy-foot like Dom, he’s afraid to hurt your feelings…well, I’m not. When a spade needs calling a spade. You have to stay awake cause’ they have to make sure your brain is working. You scared the shit out of everybody, and Dom has being going up the wall.”

Matt frowned at him, blinked as if he was trying to take in all of Chris’s words.

“Dom…why?”

Chris leant forward and said quietly, “Because despite your efforts, that man loves you, you crazy little pixie.”

“Love…?”

“And I know that somewhere in there you feel the same. I know you were scared, who the hell wouldn’t be. But you have to stop now…after this. We nearly lost you, and that would destroy us, destroy Dom, and I for one am not going to let that happen. So, you stay awake and you do exactly what the doctors tell you, or so help me you’ll be grounded until you retire.”

He sat back then, acutely aware that Matt was staring at him. He could see he was trying to understand…he hadn’t wanted to be blunt, but it had to be done. Christ, the two had been dancing around each other for way too long. Why the hell had it taken a near tragedy to get the rock and the hard place together.

The same nurse returned and said that it was soon going to be the consultant’s rounds and that Matt should have some quiet time until then, and not to worry, they would make sure that he stayed alert.

********************

Matt watched Chris walk away…well, as best as he could from his prone position. The dull ache in his head returned and his head whirled with all that Chris had just said…why had Chris said that?

Dom loved him…what? And then Chris said that he felt the same…no, he’d never said that, never, or did he….he couldn’t remember…why couldn’t he remember?


	20. Chapter 20

It had been three weeks since Matt had woken up and he was getting frustrated. He’d wanted out, but they kept telling him he wasn’t fit enough.

At the moment he was running through variations on one word as the physiotherapist or physio-terrorist as he’d named him added another weight.

He hated this, hated the fact that his muscles had gotten so weak.

“That’s it, push….and again.”

Matt glared at the therapist and muttered the only swear word he knew in Russian.

“Well done, just remember to keep up the exercises after you’re discharged.”

Matt let out an exhausted sigh; he was going home in two days. But that brought its own complication. How the hell did he deal with the fact that he couldn’t remember ever saying that he loved Dom, or Dom saying that he loved him?

It must be true, why would Chris make it up? But he couldn’t cope with that at the moment, all he wanted was to get out of here.

******************

Dom felt happier than he had done in weeks…no months. He thought he’d lost Matt when he’d collapsed on that stage, and then those long days when he wouldn’t wake up.

Matt was finally being allowed home and he was looking forward to pampering the hell out of him. He’d organized a welcome home party and had sworn everyone to secrecy.

He arrived at the ward Matt was now on, to find the singer packed and eager to leave. He went to hug him, but Matt moved away. Perhaps he was still sore, so he didn’t think anything of it.

Just like he ignored how Matt seemed to find it hard to walk without limping.

All Dom wanted to do was wrap an arm around his waist and help him, but he knew it would only earn him ‘the look.’

“You wouldn’t believe how much they charge for parking. I swear we should all grow wings and screw driving.”

When Matt didn’t reply Dom knew there was something bugging Matt.

“You okay? Wait here and I’ll get a wheelchair.”

“I’m not a bloody invalid!” Matt snapped and snatched his bag from Dom’s hand, and started walking away.

Dom didn’t try to take it back; the last thing he wanted was Matt in a foul mood.

“I see you got that paint job.”

“Yeah, how could I not, not after you talked that guy’s ears off until he gave me it for free.”

Dom was glad that Matt had said something, at least he wasn’t in a not talking mood.

As they approached Matt’s house, Dom had to smile, which didn’t go unnoticed by Matt.

“What you so happy about?”

“Oh, nothing,” he replied.

Dom wasn’t sure how Matt was going to react, but he seemed happy enough, if a little quiet, so he relaxed and enjoyed the company of their friends.

********************

The party wound on into the evening and Dom had been waylaid by the Wolstenkids, so when he finally managed to get away, he only wanted to find Matt. He scanned the room but couldn’t see him; perhaps he was out on the patio.

Matt did that sometimes, found a quiet spot, and he had. Dom saw him standing under the patio heater.

“Hey,” he said as he stepped into the wave of heat.

Matt gave him a small smile, but it never reached Matt’s eyes. Dom knew that smile.

“You okay?” he said.

“Yeah.”

“Well that’s bullshit. How about I do something to make you happy?

He leaned in and kissed Matt and was pleased when Matt responded. He was just beginning to feel heat pool in certain parts of his anatomy,   
when Matt suddenly broke away.

“I c-cant…I’m s-sorry,” he said and disappeared back into the house.

Dom blinked…what the hell?

He went after him, but Matt wasn’t to be seen.

“If you’re looking for Matt, he said he was tired and has gone upstairs,” Tom said. “I need to talk to you.”

Dom never managed to get upstairs; he would have to talk to Matt in the morning. He fell into an exhausted sleep and had a dream that Matt came into his room and kissed him gently before saying goodbye.

He blinked awake, the feeling of dream Matt’s kiss still on his lips. He yawned and stretched and his hand touched something; it was a piece of folded paper. He unfolded it and the words seared his heart like an instrument of torture.

Dom,

I can’t do this, not because the kiss wasn’t nice, it was. Chris said that you love me and that I love you. I know I should have said something, but I don’t remember. I need time to think… about you and me.

But not here. 

Don’t worry about me and when I know, I’ll come back. 

Can you wait?

Oh and please ask Chris not to kick my arse when I come back.

Matt.

 

TBC in “Wait For Me (I’ll Wait A Thousand Years)


End file.
